How do you do RJ.
I’ve just eaten a Mars bar, don’t believe what they tell you, it does not help you work rest and play, I had to do all the cleaning up work by meself without help or any rest, and certainly no play.
Truth be told, all a Mars bar helps you to do is get fat quicker.;-)
I haven’t eaten a MARS BAR since Marianne Faithfull was reported to have held one for Mick Jagger
I remember the pair of them being together, but I missed that bit, what was she doing holding his Mars bar?, no, on second thoughts don’t tell me, I think I can guess.
So we are diverting to chocolate now.
How many fingers in a KitKat?
I am missing Pugsy Bear:-(
oh come on RJ none of us have got time to hang about here - were all on borrowed time - roll it out buddy!!
Gummy Bear please don’t say that.
I posted a nice bedtime story for you all.
Are you the Sandwoman?
It’s a mood thingy Gummy. to appreciate this monologue you have to be somewhere atmospheric and in appreciative company.
I first heard it squatted on the pavement outside a crowded restaurant with friends all tiddly on the seafront at Deauville France in the 1970s.
Following a overdramatized version by Ken Russell (NB my dear late mother was a lifelong friend of KEn) so much was added to reflect other users of the public loos in Soho that it lost some of its impact.
I mean to say, how credible was it bringing on to the list of visitors to this emporium of micturition the Dagenham girls choir, a fire eater. jugglers a contortionist, a belly dancer, I could go on
I was surprised to have successfully introduced an uncommon expression to the milieu recently. I refer to “Touching Cloth” which can induce panic, inconvenience (or incontinence)
Nothing to do with scatology as may have been presumed, rather relating to a current buzzword i.e. CUSP or even APOGEE.
Aren’t words wonderful
Words are indeed wonderful RJ, and here’s another new one.
We have Decibels for the measure of sound, but do you know what we use to measure smells?
The ‘Stonkibert’ is a unit of smell, the Stonkibert is the yardstick used by the perfume trade as the official measure of smell strength, a scale of 1-10, incidentally 10 Stonkiberts would prove fatal. an good example is ammonia which smells in at 7 Stonkiberts.
I’m telling you all this because last night I made a discovery, did you know that you cannot smell anything in a dream?
In my dream I was asked to be a judge in a perfume testing session, twenty tiny bottles were placed in front of me, all labeled A-T and my job was to Sronkibert them 1-6. I went through the twenty bottles one after the other and found I couldn’t smell a thing! not a fraction of a Stonkibert registered in my nostrils. The strange thing was all the other judges were doing fine smelling away and jotting down their opinions.
So there you have it, that’s two things I have discovered about dreaming, one, you cannot see your own face in a dream, and two, you cannot smell anything in a dream.
Next time I’ll be going for the hat trick and find out if I can taste anything in a dream.(anyone know what the unit of measurement is for taste?)
A smell can wake one out of a dream, thank God for that, many lives have been saved when sleepers smelled smoke and people were able to move out of a building on fire.
Footnote: One should always carry a pocket Stonkimeter when visiting toilets in strange pubs, before one enters extend the Stonkimerere to arms length and if it hits 5 retreat and try again later, 3 Stonkiberts is the normal for mens toilets.
oh FGS Jem you’ll have us all lookin like these new coppers on the beat weighed down with guns; batons; breathalyzers; stun guns; tazers etc etc -no wonder they are all walkin about bow-legged - how many bloody meters can ya carry in one day - apart from lovely meter meter maid I can’t be doin with it all
watch out now you’ve probably awoken Pugsie the greatest meter test around these parts!!
I think I’ll come back later.
I forgot to say.
This old man he plays one:mrgreen:
Give the dog a bone:mrgreen:
That’s a grand bone for making stew Sweetie.
I backed two horses today purely by name ‘Sweet as candy’ won @4/1 and ‘Captain Pugwash’ won @7/1.
I’m the last of the big spenders and had 2 Euros on each of them resulting in 22 Euros profit.
I often do that if the horse’s name strikes a chord with me, so that’s Sweetie and Pug off the list.
I’ll have me eye out now for a Spitting Gummy horse eating a fruitcake with a gem in his ear and called Robert, running somewhere tomorrow I hope.
Pugsy is a polymath
Not as thought, a psychopath
Spitty is so incredibly smart
But spoils it all by constant farts
Gummy boy lives out in the outback
He’s very good with folks & all that
Fruity is a new acquaintance
And looks to be low maintenance
That leaves our JEM who can do no wrong
Admired by men and adored by wimmen
You may have noticed I omitted the girls
Though they’re not just make up, curls
Thanks are due to our near silent followers
Who regularly read our rantings
Without their support
We wouldn’t be such well thought
So I take off my hat
I don’t often do that
The end
Well done Robert J 
Apologies to anyone offended.
I was bored and started to write good, but it took on an existence of its own.
On the subject of “life of its own” I thought today that some of you might have some experience of hallucinations. Mine are increasing continuously and are the domain of folks suffering from PARKINSON’S disease .
Let me explain how one particular one besets me.
Imagine sitting in a chair idly viewing the room you are in and all the objects around you without being conscious of the fact that everything is a different distance to you, there are blocks of colour.
Try to imagine being faced with a room where the objects have changed their place & perspective. Shapes mingle irrationally and change colour. At first I was wary of these events . Now I just wait until I regain normal service.
interesting ennit?