Follow me!
I’ll play the game you want me,
Until I find a way back home.
Follow me!
I give you strength inside you,
Courage to win your battles -
No, no, no, this can’t go on,
This will be all that I fled from.
Let me rest for a while.
Genesis 19.76
Dear ‘Lumpy Humps’ terms of affection are very private so do try to understand how she feels, but you should consider that a step in the right direction, that very fact that she calls you Lumpy Humps in the first place confirms that, so it shouldn’t be long now till your on the pigs back, so to speak.
Your trusted agony Uncle, Jammy Jem.
Good to have you back so soon Gumbud.
Dear Bumhug,
I have no idea how you are going to continue your tete et tetes. Perhaps you should visit a green grocers’ or a vegetarian restaurant.
As for e loping, it’s well that you have the internet back otherwise you would have to lope in person. By the way, it’s lopes you will be needing, not anti-lopes. A brief internet search of the internet using a searching engine should find you the nearest place to obtain lopes near you. You may also be able to order them for home delivery, but they’ll take a while if they have to come all the way from the Amazonian jungle.
You may also wish to save money on your order by purchasing lerts and loofs at the same time. That way you can be a lert, and a loof while you e lope.
I wish you well in your endeavours, or wherever else you decide to have your elopement. Perhaps an elopement down the allotment would be cheaper. That way you could grow your own tete et tetes and save money, the planet, and know they are of the freshest and bestest quality. Just make sure you wash them first.
Yours
L. Hearts (Miss)
dear agony aunt
well I am beginning to rethink my strategic strategies at the moment - this wonderful website over the hump forties sports a rather seductive advertisementement for a one Natalliya with how do you english say it? “knockers like brass handles” she is:
age: 25 Eyes: singularly blue occupation: Lawyer??? ah come off it!!
height: five foot six with own step ladder - non-smoker on even nights of the week
english : intermediate [ready for Oxford I would think]
mariital status: never well by that I mean maybe or possibly
drinker : social - never drink alone - low on water bills heh
and here’s the best bit: habitat: Kiev Ukraine - do you think she would shout me a holiday soon??
this one sounds promising - don’t they make a pavlova called kieve ukraine over there?? wonder how big her dad is??
wish me luck - now where did I pack my thermals away last spring??
ps: can you send my self addressed stamped envelope back please I’ve put aussie stamps on instead of english!
Does the self obsessed envelope not write the address and put its own stamp on itself?
Hello Possums
What a lovely surprise to have Gumbud back so soon.
His poor ears must have been burning.
What sadness I detect that his lovely Ms Bottomless is moving.
I thought that OZ had mail order for the women.
is one of them dead or both?? - I do hope you are not casting aspersions about miss bottom who is NOT leaving [well she may be leaving me] but her manager is! K sara sara!
Just don’t say goodbye to the Circus.
would I ever - never in my dreams - I wrote a limerick about a circus once might try to dig it out - don’t worry I don’t need any encouragement!!
well while ya waitin here’s one I wrote about spittie some years ago - we go back a long way - as far as ya can spit on a windy day!
Old Spittie rocks his rocks!
There was an old geezer called Spittie
Who thought his retirement gritty
So he went to a ball and met geologist Maude
Who said his rocks looked quite pretty
She examined them carefully with gloves
And said these old rocks Spittie I loves
They are firm and well grooved; with my seal I approve
They need mounting and glass sealed with my love
Well old Spittie looked on just gobsmacked
He had kept his old rocks under wraps
When she finally let go; he rocked to and fro
And said ‘glass case – sealed – well perhaps?’
He had felt so attached to his rocks
They had hung there for years ‘bove his socks
Could he part with them now; go public somehow
No fear said old Spittie – old cow!!
Ha ha Spittoon, the old Genesis 19.v76 dodge. I wasn’t born yesterday. 76 as stated in your lyrical verse.
It’s common knowledge that Genesis 19 has only 38 verses not 76 as stated.
1976 was the year of the great drought in Britain/
Phil Collins Trick of the tail tour in the same year was a watershed in his career & the beginning of thawing of East/West relations.
Poor man, he has been grossly under rewarded for his achievements over the last 40+ years and in his twilight years is in poor health.
*drought/watershed" …get it!
What lovely verse to our Mr. Spitfield, that should cheer him up no end, well done Gummy.
I think I’m becoming a born again something, passages and verses from the bible keep ringing in me head, maybe it’s due to the noise of the two Moldovan geezers drilling holes all over the gable wall to fit pipes for the queens new bathroom.
I’m hiding out in the small garden cabin to avoid them, I can’t understand a word they say, very embarrassing for me and them, the missus is far better at understanding what they mean.
Nothing at all wrong with the old bathroom, but once her majesty makes her mind up it becomes law.
Now if you’ll please excuse me I feel a prayer coming on.
Blessed are the hopeful, for a light will shine some day
Blessed are the Gummy, they never fear tooth decay
Blessed are the bald, for they’ll never need a comb
Blessed are the penniless, who have to stay at home
Blessed are the Jokers, who fill us full of cheer
And God bless Arthur Guinness for filling us full of beer.
Amen.
The porcelain mannikin with shattered skin fears attack.
And the eager pack lift up their pitchers- they carry all they lack.
The liquid has congealed, which has seeped out through the crack,
And the tickler takes his stickleback.
It’s all in there.
Ballad of a Hardware Queen
Johnny Cash.
There’s a story in our town
Of the prettiest girl around
Golden hair and eyes of blue
How those eyes could flash at you (how those eyes could flash at you)
Gummy hung 'round her by the score
But she loved the man next door who worked at the candy store
(Dream on, dream on hardware queen prettiest girl we’ve ever seen)
Your a lucky devil Gummy, the only one who ever fancied me was the lady who makes up the sandwiches in the local, a lovely clean woman in her early sixties, n’er a wrinkle on her face nor a varicose vein on her legs, she always gave me an extra thick slice of cheddar and a bigger bowl of Oxtail soup than the rest of the old lads got at lunchtime, alas she ran away with the porter just because he had a sidecar on his motorcycle, maybe it was just as well, all that extra cheese was lashing the weight on me.
Can’t top that tonight.
you might have included credits - very sloppy work - feeling tired tonight - too much hammerjack work??
Genesis [we might have guessed it!] Lamb Lies Down on Broadway 1974 - Carpet Crawlers
Genesis IMO was a band before it’s time - some amazing music but even more so lyrics from the pen of Peter Gabriel and singing with Phil Collins etc.
earlier tries at this song writing IMO was Whiter Shade of Pale and then of course the Beatles on their Sergeant Peppers album. John L was interviewed once and asked about his strange lyrics and were they came from he said [paraphrased] oh I was just looking at things around me and thoughts came into my head -
A particularly constantly studied song was “lucy in the sky with diamonds” Johns interpretation was quite different from the pundits
but what’s fascinating is that we can all read the lyrics and use them for our own purposes which may be quite different from the authors
Let’s try this one I would say it describes our little group to a tee?
Mild mannered supermen are held in kryptonite
And the wise and foolish virgins giggle with their bodies glowing bright
Through a door a harvest feast is lit by candlelight;
It’s the bottom of a staircase that spirals out of sight
The carpet crawlers heed their callers:
We’ve got to get in to get out
We’ve got to get in to get out
We’ve got to get in to get out
Genesis - Lamb Lies Down on Broadway 1974 - Carpet Crawlers
I can see the guiness beckoning us through the door!!
