Looks like you were in a bit of an Estate!
There is a lot to be said about ‘thinking outside the box’, the confession box that is. When I was a boy I had to go to confession once a week, there was usually a fair sized queue outside and you had plenty of time to think while kneeling there, outside the box,
It eventually paid off and probably guided by divine inspiration I came up with the perfect solution of telling a false confession and at the same time telling a truthful one which technically meant my sins were still absolved, here’s how it went.
Father O’Dowd always ran through a verbal list of typical sins young boys would be likely to commit like.
Him: “Did you steal?”
Me: “No father”
Him: “Were you disobedient to your parents?”
Me : “No father”
Him: “Did you have bad thoughts?”
Me: “No father”
And on it went until he would finally ask
“Anything else you left out boy?”
“Oh yes father, I almost forgot… I told lies”
He would then bless you and say “Go your way in peace my son, your sins are forgiven”
Always leave the ‘lies’ bit till last, It worked a treat every time, no kiddin’, he never copped on, I passed the system down to all me other siblings, well it was only fair, as me granny used to say “It’s a poor family that hasn’t got one gentleman in it”, of course that was in the days of big families.
I don’t know about this thinking outside the bogs malarkey. The thought most uppercrust in my mind was to get in the bog and do what a man’s got to do do. Whilst in the bogs I could then actuarily start to think straight, but not when I was outside the bogs rushing to get in.
I had more pressing matters on my mind then.
But, once inside the bogs I would often have some of my best thinks.
As for stinking outside the bogs, well that was what usually sent me into the bogs in the first place.
And after a long sitting a motion was passed and the matter dropped, as our old shop steward used to say.
I bet your old shop steward flushed with pride,Jem!
Why do Folks Table Motions?
That question has been asked before.
What if there was a bloke in the Bog, with a Mac?
Could be this Mack, Johnny was just plain Johnny Mack but he spent so long in the Jacks that he got the nickname Johnny Mack Brown.
https://s26.postimg.org/e5d8bofid/maxresdefault.jpg
He says, “His name is William”
But I’m sure he’s Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he’s plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he’s ever had a day of fun in his whole life
time for music dancing and frivolity!
Xmas Madness
There seems to be a madness
Swirling through the air
Some call it Xmas spirit
No one seems to care
Everyone is dashing
All about the place
I don’t know what the rush is for
It’s only for one day
Now have you filled the larder
And all four fridges too
And what about the freezers
The turkey must not turn blue
I can even feel it swirling here
And see that RJ has disappeared
I sensible move I dare would say
A quiet Xmas by the bay?
It’s building up it’s building up
The pressure’s gonna burst me crust
Why is everybody shouting?
Merry xmas Merry xmas – there I’ve outed
Well just for one day come false smiles
‘what a lovely jumper’ snides
I really wanted bottled whiskey
Not some tights like dancer Nitschke
Well managed to avoid minced pies
And apple crumble crawls with flies
Why does cold turkey taste so vile?
And everyone’s got weak smiles
Well now it’s all a slide downhill
Till easter comes oh what a thrill
More good news from Jerusalem
the holy city has become!
excellent
I have just set fire to my friend’s decking. :shock:
ya got the dates mixed up fruitcake -that was November 5th!!
for god sake don’t burn the cross or the snowmobile!!
He’s set fire to the decking
The hounds have all been let out
The Baskervilles are howling
They want blood tonight for sure
I warned you there was madness
About this time of year
Never mind old father xmas
He doesn’t have a clause!
He’s dropping down the chimneys
That have embers all aglow
I hope he’s got his lederhosens
To stop him scorchin low
And if he kicks the sparks about
Another house will burn right out
This bloody xmas’s dangerous
Of that there is no doubt!
Both pomes are excellent Gummy! They captures the spirit of Solstice just like days of yore …
and mine.
POMES ?
You are so avant garde Fruity
RUDE POMES
Jack & Jill went up the hill
They said it was for water
Jill got more than she bargained for
Nine months later she had a daughter.
Ride a cock horse to Banbury cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horse
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She has plenty of offers wherever she goes
Hey diddle diddle, MPs on the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little trough hogs thought it such fun
Cos their malpractices have again begun
Kind of nice, kind of nice
See media spun, see media spun
Did you ever see such a thing in your life
Celebs caught in bed ,and not with their wife
Who cut off their todger with carving knife
Not so nice not so nice
Twinkle twinkle, can’t go far
How I wonder if loo’s too far
Holding water , my oh my
Will I make the loo in time
(c) RJ
This thread is hilarious at times.
Great, the bards are in full swing, yis haven’t lost the old touch.
I had a dream last night, we were all teamed up for a Christmas hooley in Gummys house.:shock:
As we all gathered round the Christmas tree
Sporting raindeer jumpers and drinking cups of tea
Plates of plum pudding held high in one hand
Looking at Gummys whiskey, marked with an elastic band
“Not to be touched till after your dinner me lads
I have that bottle for years, it was one of me dads”
Ah says Pug, smiling and putting in his oar
If I don’t get a drink soon I’ll collapse on the floor
Fruitcake is hiding, he’s afraid he’ll be eaten
Sweetie is in the kitchen and eggs she is beating
RJ has his ears tuned to a Shakespearian play on radio four
And Spitty is out the back, measuring up the door
Sadly Jem was tied up and couldn’t make it this year
Too busy in the local lowering down beer.
And that wasn’t the end of the dream, all flights home were cancelled, kangaroos protesting on the runways or something and ye all had to row back to dear old blighty, but fair play to you all you were singing a merry song as you rowed, yes it was that old favourite The Eton Boat Song.
“Jolly boating weather And a hay harvest breeze Blade on the feather Shade off the trees Swing swing together With your backs between your knees Swing swing together With your backs between your knees”;-)
I do get some strange dreams these days.:shock: