My dear granny Maud used to say
“I’m not bothered whether I go up or down when I pass on cos I’m bound to know folk whichever way i go”
Then she’d tug on her ear, point to her eye & nose & chuckle with
“Ear I know’s you!”
I worked in a certain workshop in town in the 70’s with about 7 fellas and no women, the stories and the language was fierce, except when the office girl came down with a job to be done, then everyone went silent. She was a very posh bird, dowsed with perfume and varnished with panstick, always wore a mini skirt and had long legs all the way up to her arse, that was the fashion then and all the lads loved it.
Sometimes she would come down the wooden stairs noiselessly and catch us in fell swing effing and blinding and out she would come with her favourite expression “Utterly disgusting!” we would all break into a chorus or laughter and she would put the job down and walk slowly back up the stairs. It’s hard to describe how it sounded, something like ‘Otterly des gast thing” I still titter to meself when I think of it, easily amused am I.
I’m all dolled up here waiting for the daughter to take the missus and me out for the night, we’re going to an old haunt of mine up beside the Phoenix Park, one of the last old fashioned pubs left, it’s a special treat as I’ve just chalked up another year today, see ya all tomorrow.
It’s always difficult, when you bump into someone who, appears to see life as inconsequential and laughs at death, bit like negotiating with a Kamikaze Pilot.
what a miserable auld lot of humbugs we’ve become talkin about death and up and down ladders and old dublin towns and grannies the only bright spark was that miniskirt goin up and down the ladder covered in gloss and perfume.
aye to be fecked with yuz all keep pourin aut the guiness and the bourbon and the brandy and whatever is ya tipple and feck em all.
I lived with one of me grannies for a while and she always looked actually looked as if she was decaying before me very eyes - and she was of course but sometimes yuz could smell it! - I used to think that’s why they put all that smelly stuff on - they’res was heavy me mas was lighter! and thems was the days when four adults puffed away at fags indoors all the time - no wonder I cough!
some say as we get older we think we are missing out on all this younger stuff but I don’t think so we just can’t see any sense in it - they’re just running around like turkeys in a pen waitin for the chop.
when ya think about it ‘our worlds’ have gone - passed by - just photos and memories - all the furniture is different - and the technologies - the trams have disappeared and next we’ll have driveless cars - I wonder how many of us will give those a chance?
We live in the middle of a forest – serene, no traffic noises magic sunsets and cool morns. But still have mains electricity and own water pump that collapses sometimes. Our local shops are 5 mins car ride away and we are surrounded by a reasonable collection of tradesmen to rescue us from time to time. I sit typing watching wallabies hopping about until the dogs are let out. Who would want to live in a town?
But today Sunday at 7am as I prepare me breakie and fresh coffee the local electricity men turn up – “we are getting fault messages from your mains meter “– that could be 200kms away or eve 3000 kms away as the laptop flies! – no problems here my coffee is still brewing but they have to check so electricity gets turned off for 20 mins – no coffee. They finally report 30mins later – ants in the meter and the ants here are giant ones they eat plastic cables and plastic boxes – that’s what’s causing the intermittent fault messages - advice – get the meter box sprayed and kill the ants and then well come out again and put in a free new box!
Only one problem – nearest ant sprayer is 200kms away and they charge for fuel expenses as well as labor
Ah the pleasures of living in the bush!!
That’s the trouble with “Old Folks”, they start accepting Melon and Collie on the same plate, it may be time to stop hanging around with them, it might start to “Rub Off”.
I’ve drank to your health in taverns,
I’ve drank to your health in my home,
I’ve drank to your health so damn many times,
I believe I’ve ruined my own!
Happy birthday Jem[CENTER][/CENTER]
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I know what you mean El Spitto, since we move into a retirement community 8 of the original 32 owners have passed.
That’s a turnover of 25%, giving us 3 o 4 years left.
I started taking an interested recently in coloring alpaca wool with natural extracts, however I had a mixed response when I mentioned at coffee this week that i was interested in dyeing,
That’s brillig Mr Jnr, but then most of what you churn out is to that standard.
I’ve just been down to the local hardware shop. 'Tis but a few minuets by me feets to get there. I bought some new circular saw blades. They aren’t actually circular you know, having jagged edges, and the saw itself most certainly isn’t circular. Do you think I could make a claim under the Trades De-Crypton Act?
When my Cousin and I chose this place for our forever home, we were young and fit and never gave a thought for it’s location. Now we are old and crumbly, we have come to realise what a bonus it is to live by here.
Within a few minutes’ walk we have a small supermarket, a fresh fruit and veg shop (the produce is fresh, not the shop) plus two other small shops that sell foods and drinks, a library, a most excellent hardware shop, a Post Orifice, a (part time) library, no end of charity shops and estate agents, a pooter repair shop, a mobility shop (although the shop itself is stationary), banks, cafe’s a couple of restaurants, and several takeaway shops.
A butcher has opened up next to the veg shop, so each helps the trade of the other.
All in all we have inadvertently future proofed our future for as long as we are able to live by here.
If/when we have to give up driving, we can walk to the shops. When we can’t do that we will get mobility scroters.
We have already started using online supermarket deliberies and installed a couple of stairlifts.
Our future may not be bright, and it’s certainly not egnaro, but hopefully it is safe.
Thanks RJ.
About dem ants Gummy.
I would have thought that when the ants gnawed through the cables they would be electrocuted and problem solved, then perhaps ants are immune to electric shock, if that is the case they could become the subject for scientific study, for instance they could make a boiler suit, hat, and gloves composed entirely of crushed ants and supply all electricity workers with them.
Maybe you could try out that old cowboy trick they used in the films on the Indians, select the ‘Chief’ ant, shoot him and the rest will all bugger off.
Another way is to do what I did when ants started to slowly invade my beloved shed, and this is no joke Gummy, I lit the blowtorch and cremated them instantly, any that survived must have told their mates because they never came back again.
There once was ant called Mabel
Who bit through an electric cable
After spasms and jolts, and 500 volts
She was splattered all over the gable.
Ps. Don’t forget to keep us posted with the current news.
Watt?
blow torch t the main cable box sounds a bit tricky as well as bloody illegal - we do have laws out here ya know - apart from blowin meself up in the process - sometimes Jem you are downright dangerous - was it a little blow torch or big blow torch ?
I went down to see a mate of mine in the next forest and he suggested throwin powder all over the box as well as sprayin them - these woodsmen are downright dangerous too - I might go and have a talk to lovely ryta meter maid she might know watt to do and how to stop those ants parkin illegally
If I was in Oz, and saw an Ant, I’d Dec it.
you never hardly see them spittie unless ya browin in a chair with a beer staring at the ground!
by the way Jem keep meaning to ask “are u for the hard border or soft border?? " met a girl once who warned me " Ive got a hard border and a soft border and its up to you to find them!!” god that was a hard job for a while!
Nicely put Fruitcake, it’s a slow process accepting your lot. Enjoy !
Fruitcake
Modesty forbids me from claiming credit for this traditional Irish verse
Someone called A.Non wrote it back in the day.
About the blowtorch Gummy.
It’s only a small torch I use for fine soldering, about a 4 inch flame, the ants are so light that they frizzle up well before anything around can catch fire, a few flicks of the wrist with the flame and Bobs yer Uncle, wouldn’t even heat the cable box. In the Summer when I’m using the small torch and if any fly dares to approach the bench I’m on him in an instant and he frizzles in mid air, I’m a dab hand at it by now.
I got a bigger torch for burning weeds in the garden, any ants that see that coming make a bee line for the cover of the rockery, after a while they’re all out dancing the Hot Rock and then it’s showtime with the flame thrower. I just love blowtorches and melting stuff, especially gold, a wonderful sight is molten gold, I never tire of looking at it.
Hard borders, soft borders, makes no difference to me Gummy, the wife does all the wallpapering in this house.
I’ve lived through both types of borders and it really doesn’t make any difference as far as I’m concerned, I didn’t even know how they work as I’ve never crossed over. We never go further than Dundalk when we’re heading North, South and West are our favourite destinations.
From what I gather from the vast majority of younger folks they are just happy that we are staying in the EC club, after all it’s their future, and if they’re happy then I’m happy too.
watch out hard borders are coming to a town near you!!
As long as Borderline folks are well away from the epicentre, all will be well, hopefully.