Sure Thing.
Talking of suckers, I’ve just seen Surfermoms thread about glass sponges, fascinating, some are believed to be over 10,000 years old!!!.We really are only scratching the surface of this planet in what we know, methinks it was a big mistake us coming out of the ocean in the first place, just imaging I could have been a middle aged sponge of 8.000 when Christ walked above me, and in another short 1.000 years I would have been eligiable for my sponge pension, then they would be justified in called me a sponger.
Maybe with a bit of luck the earth will suddenly jerk and evelution will kick into reverse and we will all become born again sponges.
Can someone explain to me how these deep sea creature are not crushed to death by the weight of the ocean above them? I mean humans can only go down so far and that’s it.
Probably posthumous? Pray prepare posts perpetually per posteritally Promises.
Posteritally, is that a word?
I have lost my love of alliteration
Spitty now don’t be sad
Your knack of juxtaposition
Its always not too bad
And I hate those double negatives
So favoured by sly executives
Psychopaths the lot of them
Bullies and altogether rotten
Have you noticed the cost of wallpaper has gone through the roof in the past decade. I blame the ……more later
Squashed deep sea creatures Jem.
Some things are not meant to be understood.
Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
Funny thing RJ but I remember seeing a sign in a wallpaper shop window saying ‘Hang our papers, they deserve it!’
I once spent hours in my GRACE BROS days helping a Gagool like harridan choose paper, only to retuurn the next day complaining that it was the same as the one already on the wall. tsk
I told this story to DUSTIN GEE, Les Dennis partner at a STORE relaunch, he didnt larf but said he was dying for a pi*s, where was the loo?
Dead , long gone now
Time for me cocoa
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness
very apt thought I?
does it have hanging lamps that swoon in the gloom??
Was it his Prostrate?
Dealing with Wallpaper used to be a skilled job, now, anyone can Cut and Paste.
I have returned…the Shetland Isles are still beautiful,very peaceful,zero crime-rate-and Saxa Vord is exactly as I remember it from my childhood. [which seems like three centuries ago physically,but just yesterday in my memory] Went to visit my old home in Quendale,too-and it’s still exactly as I remember. The wonderful thing about Shetland is the unwillingness of anyone to move there,so it hasn’t become a series of rapidly-built estates.
So,how are you lot fairing?
Howya Pug, lovely to have you back, it’s nice to visit places from our past.
That reminds me of an ad I saw about six years ago, wonder did he get anyone to go with him.
This is the ad word for word.
Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me.
This is not a joke.
P.O.Box322,
Oakview, CA93022.
You’ll get paid when we get back.
Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed.
I have only done this once before.
I often wonder how he got on, maybe he was only allowed one go but he got greedy and now is floating around on that huge Google cloud somewhere in space. 'Being your own weapons? get paid when we get back? what was he planning? a bank job perhaps and then coming back with a few sacks of gold sovereigns, no problem getting rid of them today, they are snapped up as soon as they come on the market.(I presume paper money burns up in the transporting process)
It must be good to go to Shetland, unless you owe someone a Pony.
Jem; I’d wager that’s a chap wanting to go somewhere like Greenland,or perhaps the Kamchatka peninsular,where yurts are ‘home’ and weapons are required to beat off bears & wolves,chop wood for fires,skin whatever you can catch/trap-and on a ‘busy’ day,bump into a native of the region,who tries not to laugh at your attempts to look casual as you try not to shiver.
Yep-I once walked from Alaska to the Kamchatka,across the frozen ice of the Bering Straight. it’s three miles-and the number of sleds going both ways,full of stuff to trade,was incredible. You’d think it was an icy and unpopulated place-but the locals do a LOT of ‘trading’ when the ice hits…none of it official,y’understand. Tax? Youwot?
Plus,may I just say,spits…those ponies are WELL tough,mate. The little buggers are as strong as the bigger versions,such as Clydesdales…but in compact form. They’re excellent for pulling the peat sleds,bruv…which can be really heavy if the peat stacks have had rain on them. Small-but VERY capable of surviving in circumstances most humans would run from,mate.
Ok,chaps and chapettes…
I present to you,for your edification and enjoyment - “The Battle of Trafalgar.”
[That is;Modern Day Trafalgar,21st Century style…]
Are you sitting comfortably? … Then I’ll begin…
Nelson… Order the signal hoisted,Hardy.
Hardy… Aye,aye Sir.
Nelson… Eh? Hold on,that’s not what I dictated to the signals officer. What’s the meaning of this?
Hardy… Sorry,Sir.
Nelson… (Reading aloud) “England expects every person to do his duty,regardless of race,gender,sexual orientation,religious persuasion,or disability”. What utter Gobbledygook is this,Hardy???
Hardy… Admiralty policy I’m afraid Sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devils own job trying to get ‘England’ past the censors,lest it be considered a racist term.
Nelson… Good GOD,Hardy! This is ridiculous! Pass me my pipe and tobacco,man.
Hardy… Sorry Sir,all naval vessels have been designated smoke free working environments.
Nelson… Oh,for fu-in that case,break open the rum ration. Let’s splice the mainbrace and strengthen the men’s fervour before battle.
Hardy… The rum ration has been abolished,admiral. Its part of the government’s policy on eradicating binge-drinking.
Nelson… Good God Hardy! REALLY? Ok;I suppose we’d better get on with it then. Full speed ahead,man!
Hardy… I think you’ll find there’s now a four-knot speed limit on this stretch of water,sir.
Nelson… Four knots?!?..Damn it man! We’re on the eve of the greatest sea-battle in history! We must advance with all dispatch. Get up the mast and report from the crows nest,immediately!
Hardy… That won’t be possible,sir.
Nelson… What? WHY won’t it ‘be possible’,Hardy?!?
Hardy… er;Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest sir. No harnesses,y’see. Plus they say the rope ladders don’t meet regulation requirements,sir. They won’t let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.
Nelson… Jesus H Christ! Then get me the ship’s carpenter without delay,Hardy!
Hardy… Not possible,sir. He’s busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo’c’sle,sir.
Nelson… Wheelchair access? You WHAT? I’ve never heard anything so damned absurd!
Hardy… It’s Health and Safety again,sir. We have to provide a barrier free environment for the differently abled
Nelson… ‘Differently abled’? I’ve just the one arm and one eye! I refuse to hear mention of that bloody silly phrase!
I didn’t rise through the ranks of the admiralty by playing the disability card,man!
Hardy… Sir,the Royal Navy is reported to be under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.
Nelson… Visua - you mean,our lookouts can be blind!?! What the F#CK next? RIGHT;give me full sail,the salt spray beckons,Hardy!
Hardy… Er,a couple of problems there too,sir. Health and Safety won’t let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. Plus they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt air – have you not seen the papers,sir? Article 229,sub-section 42,paragraph 16?
Nelson… What the FU…I’ve never heard such infamy! Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy!
Hardy… The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.
Nelson… What?!! This is mutiny!
Hardy… It’s really not sir;the men have no intention of mutinying,sir. It’s just that they’re worried about being charged with murder if they actually kill anybody,sir. There are a couple of legal aid lawyers on board,watching everyone like hawks.
Nelson… Then how are we supposed to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish,eh?
Hardy… Actually sir,we’re not,sir.
Nelson… We’re NOT?
Hardy… No,sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European Partners now,sir. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water,sir. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.
Nelson… But,but,but-y’needs hate a Frenchie the way y’hate the devil,Hardy!
Hardy… Umm-I wouldn’t let the ships diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You’ll be up on a disciplinary charge.
Nelson… Hardy,you must consider every man who speaks ill of your Monarch an enemy,!
Hardy… Not any more sir. We have to be all-inclusive in this multicultural age,sir. Put on your Kevlar vest,it’s the rules.
Nelson… Don’t tell me,let me guess – ‘Health-and-f#cking safety’ right?. Whatever happened to rum,sodomy and the lash?
Hardy… As I explained Sir,rum is now disallowed. Plus there’s also a ban on corporal punishment,now,sir.
Nelson… Is there,by God! What about sodomy??
Hardy… Due to the Equality Rules,sodomy is now legal Sir.
Nelson… IS it! In that case - Kiss me,Hardy!-----Mmmwwaah. . . urrhhk.
Pug dear boy, a very good read and educational too.
I believe that the famous last words of Nelson have been misquoted down the years as “Kiss me Hardy”
Rather than the actual words “Kismet Hardy”
Jimi Hendrix had the same problem with “Scuse me while I kiss this guy” being heard rather than the correct “SCuse me while I kiss the sky”.
George Mellys autobiography "Rum, Bum & Accordian atributed his sexual predilections as being “chained to a lunatic”
Nelson according to Joe Orton was a Nance.
WE have Joe’s alter ego Edna Welthorpe to thank for that.
Good to have you back PUG
the quote was in fact “ya gonna miss me Hardy” or was that " are ya gonna miss me Hardy?" mind you his second lieutenant WAS heard to say “I need a piss Hardy”
mind you I tend to believe the more traditional one " this as been bliss Hardy"
I thought we don’t do anything modern here =here =here
nelson won the battle of trafalgar full feckin stop - never mind all these fancy word we won it fare and square
Nice structured piece of work Pugsy, the irony in the last three lines is sublime, and just a little perverse.