I will continue with Uncle Bobbie [ohh pugs would have loved these old stories of days gone bye - I do hope he hasn’t gone bye bye for ever said gumbud bear!]
uncle bobby as I mentioned could fix everything and do anything - one of those sort of confident guys, if we had stuck an American accent on him he would have made the music halls [ anyone wanna by some nylons?]
well as the story goes his new father-in-law was a builder and often had to climb scaffolds. One day he slipped and fell crashing to the ground and was able somehow [now remember this was in the early 40’s] to claim negligence by the company for no having enough safety features [can you imagine that] he got a lump pay out plus the lumps on the back of his head and never worked again.
however the family probably led by uncle bobbie decided they had an entrepreneurial streak in them and decided to become shop keepers both stationary and mobile - phew that took a lot of typing more next time!!
I agree with you there RJ, sure if it wasn’t for Thomas my valet, the old family Manor, the shooting, the hunting and the fishing I would have emigrated years ago, the taxes are astronomical and the peasants have taken over the Village.
Your writing is still as fresh and unique as it always was, who cares about punctuation anyway, it’s the content wot matters. i can’t get the spell checker to work on this thing but as long as yis know what I mean I don’t mind.;-)
A lot of fellas in the building game were ‘on the lump’ back in the 60’s Gummy, plenty of dosh to be made.
I was once asked by my school teacher ‘If one boy had a boil on his neck and another two on his back, his brother had one on his shoulder and another on his arm, how many boils would they have altogether?’
‘Is that what they call a lump sum Miss?’
Uncles springing up all over the place now, better keep the one about me great Uncle Davy and the cannibals for a slow day, or better still and in the interests of equality, how about introducing my great Aunt Fanny, now there was a woman for yeh, big as a bear and strong as an Ox, tatooed all over, even had a miniature of old nick himself tatooed on her tongue, you didn’t mess with her I can tell ya.
oh dear said gummy bear I’m getting worried now - it’s gettin dark in the woods and pugs used to march ahead or ride ahead with his big steam roller and we all felt safe! Jem can you go and look for him again??
Dummy-chucking is a fraud in which a mannequin (or dummy) is placed on a roadway on a dark night. If a vehicle runs over the dummy then the confidence man runs onto the road, throws (chucks) the dummy out of sight and then lays down in its place and pretends to have painful injuries. If the driver stops to see what happened then the dummy-chucker begs for monetary compensation
never happened to me in my life - n0w where was I ? ah yes my uncle bobbie and the birth of the entrepreneurial flare that Uncle Bobby used to take a short trip into shop keeping. I never did really find out if it was successful or not but it seemed to last a few mths maybe longer and then disappeared. it was never discussed with us kids thats for sure.
well they must have had a stash of money but I never seen any come our way we just watched them spend it they decided to buy two old corner shops one a green grocers and one general bits and peices. the greengrocers seem too be doing well but not the bits and pieces - surely everyone needs bits and pieces but it always seemed to be empty when Ma and I called in. I don’t think they had done their market research properly, the shops where on the corner of a main street in Liverpool with plenty of cars going buy but not much foot traffic if you get what I mean but they were certainly never going to be millionaires.
Yes you would think everyone needs bits and pieces of this and that Gummy. we used to have a shop in our area called ‘The Needle and Anchor’ sold everything from fishing hooks to brass fenders, folks came from far and wide to get theit various bits, sadly the old chap who owned it died and the place is now a hairdressers.
I love the way the French talk when they speak English, there was a French chap speaking in an old film the other day ( I usually have either the radio or the small TV on while I’m working) and he was saying he was a lawyer and he once had to defend a client at the ‘Hole Belly’ (Old Bailey), now I’m no newsreader with the words meself, I don’t know why but I just burst out laughing, it was a serious film and it sounded so funny.
I know some are leg men others bum men and more are breast men, as you well know I’m a left elbow man meself, but he must have been a navel man with belly holes on his mind, a new one on me I might add, I think navels are ugly looking things, anyway there was I laughing to meself, easily amused ain’t I.
I once had a job come in, it was to clean and polish a ruby navel stud for a belly dancer, you’d want to see the muck that came out from behind the stone, I’ve cleaned some very dirty engagement rings in my day, some women never take them off, the dirt lodges in the collets where the stones are set and has to be carefully eased out bit by bit with a very fine steel pointer, then you have to check the setting to see the stones are not loose, sometimes the claws or grains that hold the stones in are so worn down that it’s only the dirt at the back that holds the stones in place, if you have an expensive engagement ring, or one you are very senimental about, you should have it checked out at least every two years to avoid the risk of losing the stone/stones. Pendants, Brooches, etc., don’t get as much wear so they are usually OK.
Thank God I was out of it before nose rings became popular, some folks wear rings in the most unlikely places nowadays.:shock:
There was an old jeweller called Eddie
Who would fix anything whenever he was ready
In walked Suzi Tipple, who wanted a pearl set in her nipple
‘Alright says he, I’ll do it’, and he tried to keep his hand steady.
hought he might want to put it in his mouth to warm it up?
I have often mused on the attraction that men have about breasts - most of us have been thrust upon one and there is a sort of primeval attraction ever more. we just wanna get back to the breast and will often pay good money to do so!
having nearly been smothered by them at one time we are forever drawn for ever more. first pouring over magazines with ya mates and getting a hard bone, and then wanting to get as close as possible to them for evermore. and when on that first date she lets you have a feel - pure joy and more hard bones!
yes most women know they have an invaluable gift wobbling about in there. whereas ours just swings high swings low sweet charity comin for to carry me home!
remind me of that joke I saw recently in our jokes for blokes section
A very old man in a nursing home grabbed the blouse of a beautiful, busty, young nurse and ripped it clear off.
When the police arrived, they charged him with, Assault with a dead weapon.
Much sorries-had to get a chap out of a spot of bother in Cromer. [Norfolk] It took a while,but all’s now sorted.
Yes,all’s well…now,what’s the topic? Ah-piercings. Um…yes,I have several. My mate Nettle [nickname,not given name] was about to take her exams to become a professional piercer/tattooist,and she asked me if I’d be her ‘guinea pig’,so-to-speak. I had no objections…and [it was 20 years ago]…I have them to this day-and yes,a Prince Albert is one of them. Nettle’s shop thrives to this very day,so it was worth it. I had a navel piercing she did,too;but during an ever-so-slight altercation with a chap who was displaying unpleasant tendencies,it was ripped out by my opponent…which was a tad annoying,as I was good enough to inform him.
However-although others may notice them,I don’t,as I’m so used to them. I really have become so used to them that their presence goes unnoticed my myself. Nothing facial such as nose or lip piercings;but both nipples,both ears,navel,my ‘old chap’,my tongue and one eyebrow were pierced. I do get ‘glances’,when I have my shirt unbuttoned or off and people of staid outlook notice my nipple piercings. Meh -let those with narrow minds concern themselves. Me…well,I’ve long been aware that I’m not ‘run of the mill’.
Just listened to the Weather Forecast, and, apparently there is going to be a “Resin Storm”, don’t know what that is, but, there has just been an Amber Warning.
Aren’t Smart Phones amazing, remember, as a kid getting a new gizmo, and taking it apart, to see how it works, kids today don’t need a screwdriver, just an extra spoonful of faith.
I’m on ‘Red alert’ according to the weatherman, well I’d have to be on something to be getting up at the unearthly hour of 7am. we’re all waiting for the hurricane here, schools closed, busses not running, everyone told to stay indoors, strap down any stray old grannies, batten down the hatches and all that. I took anything worth anything out of the little summerhouse earlier so if it blows away that’s it, the workshop is made of solid concrete blocks and has survived all weathers undamaged.
Smartarse Phyllis says to me over me porridge breakfast ‘Only a hurricane could get you out of bed at 7am’
It’s half past eight now and very calm, I’m looking out the window at the tree outside on the footpath and the leaves are baring moving, no sound of a wind yet, it’s supposed to hit Dublin at 1pm when the wind will be at it’s strongest, seeing that all is well now I’m going back to bed, see you later if I survive the red alert.
thank you that RJ hope ya feeling refreshed now - you are refreshing all of us!!
now the uncle bobby saga - well then he went berserk and purchased a van in which he drove around the streets of the 'pool selling vegetables mainly. i can see him clearly to this day driving up dorothy street which has now been demolished in the great regeneration of city living - I m sure I’d be totally lost now if I went back. then as suddenly as it started it all fizzled out with whispered comments like " I knew it wouldn’t work" and “what a waste of good cash” etc
lookin back I can see no reason why it sholdn’t have been successful apart from uncle bobbies bombastic style!! maybe it was before it’s time???
Ahh,‘the pool’…a veritable plethora of ingenuity,gumbud.
I was cajoled into joining the Scouse AA…a jolly band of merry fellows who accept monthly payments in return for caring for your car. Yes,you read that correctly,the SCOUSE AA. It’s like the standard AA,but with one great extra benefit…that being,if your car breaks down & they can’t get it repaired within an hour-they’ll steal you a new one! …Ai thenkyoh…
PS - hang on to your hat,Jem…we have a gentle breeze wafting slowly through the ferns,here. I saw a leaf almost move,early this morning! I blame Brexit - TUT!
Some folks were AA-yed, others were RAC-ed off, neither will ever have a millionaire lifestyle, do you know the Piano’s on my Foot, no, but your car is on my toe.
