Just make sure you Wash Up, if not, you could end up Washed Up, mark my words.
mark your words - impossible with this worn out pen - did you hear about the Irish man who kept correcting his spelling mistakes on his word document - he was whiting out his errors on the screen??
anyway back to words - mark your words - no actions speak louder than words
putting cheese on a cracker -piece of cake in my opinion and yet
but that does need taken with a grain of salt
but meself like I says “a picture paints a thousand words” now let me look at me spelling mistakes - where did I put that tippex??
…which is all well ‘n’ good until yer MacBook Pro unexpectedly runs out of in
Forget the Tippex, seek out the Extip.
Thor was on the telly last night, it was most disappointing to find it was not a sequel to Frozen.
Thor-PAH!
I once melted an ice cube merely by GLARING at it-and it took just 2 hours!
I thought my refrigerator would go on for ever, so I paid no attention to it, never even cleaning it, last night it failed, all the food is ruined, teach me to get Smug with my Smeg.
Just think how much weight the Fat Controller would have lost, if he had ideas above his station, he could have changed his profile, but, would this have made him happy?
well at least he didn’t “miss the boat” or “jump on the bandwagon” he probably decided to " cross that bridge when he came to it" ?? 
Did you know that a group of Bridges is called a ”Gap” of Bridges?
A group of Fat controllers (they are all fat now by the way) is called a “Lard” of Controllers.
And a group of Bandwagons is known as a “Trail Note” of Bandwagons.
You learn something new everyday.
It’s a beautiful day here and the missus and me are off to Bray for the day. courtesy of the local’s old folks welfare committee, bless their dear hearts. An outing to the seaside of old age pensioners is called “Probably the last Resort”
Have modern day deodorants put an end to Eureka moments?
no but they’ve pushed a whole lot of hole in the ozone layer!
what do you call a group of idiots posting idiotic comments on a forum website ???
IDIOTS!!
NO but I think you could be onto " a hot potato" there spittie?
OI! Z’at include me,moosh?
'Coz I haven’t said anything idiotic since our o/c said “I didn’t see you at camouflage training!”
…and I answered “Thank you,sir!”
good one buddy!
I went on a day out yesterday, to a venue which promised “A rich and varied menagerie of Animals”, after paying the entrance fee, and walking round for 20 minutes, all I saw were many small Toy Dogs, it really was a Sh1t Zoo.
I left my beautiful new Dell laptop on the grass in the garden today, I was wiping the table clean at the time, then the dog came over and shit on it, it’s now a Poo Dell, a real crap computer. 
And a fine bunch of idiots too I may add, as the Joker in Batman would say “My fine feathered fools”;-)
Where’s RJ these days? Surely he’s not still on holidays?
We had a great day at the outing yesterday, then when I woke up this morning feeling a bit woozy the first thing the wife said “You never went over the wooden fences with the wood preserver Jimmy” “No how could I? I was asleep and I’ve just woken up” Always complaining are the wives, nag nag nag.
I do me own fair share of complaining too, but don’t we all? isn’t it our nature to complain? It got me thinking about “Complaining” in general.
My old Dad always used to say that if man hadn’t complained about walking the wheel would never have been invented. Complaining is the mother of invention and not necessity as we are led to believe. The complaining gene kicks in when we are too hot or too cold so we move to a more comfortable place, turn off or on something, otherwise we would roast or freeze to death. We complain when we get a pain or don’t feel right, well that’s a good thing, otherwise we wouldn’t know we were sick, would we. The first thing your doctor asks you when you go to him is “What’s your complaint?”
Complaining can overcome needs and bring governments down, it can improve the quality of the food we eat, the entertainment on offer, and even get the trains to run on time, complaining is a very important part of our lives from the first cries of a baby for more food right up the the last words of a dying old man “Oh God, could you not give me a little more time”
Wives have truly mastered the art of complaining, my missus even complains in her sleep, it slows down in Summertime but takes off again come the bad weather and every Winter is a Winter of discontent to her, I think she actually looks forward to it so she can get more complaining in, like the cost of food and fuel, stupid little things like that, but not a bleep out of her when they put the price of smokes and a pint up. ;-)
Complaining is a release valve for us, makes us feel we have some influence on things in general and our views count, singly they don’t, but collective organised complaining can start a revolution. Everyone’s a critic whether we realise it or not, we love “Getting our tuppence worth in”
The bottom line is the whole World is one big complaining mass of humanity, always was and always will be, rich and poor have the same basic complaint, the poor complain they haven’t enough money and the rich complain they never have enough money, with attitudes like that humanity will forever be at each others throats.
long live complaining I say ‘cos you’ll never anywhere without it, keep silent and they’ll walk all over you.
I can truly say with my hand on my heart that complaining has got us to where we are today…living longer and still complaining. 
The fear is having too many complaints, to complain, in a compliant fashion.