…and yes,it IS an old steel kettle with a whistle and yes,I do have a Rayburn in the kitchen.
…although,Tubby Onnist,it can be a nuisance,because I sit gazing at the smouldering coals,strumming an old acoustic guitar and doing sfa useful-when Herself has a list of jobs awaiting my attention. I only JUST found out she’s effing off for 6 days in a week’s time-and I’M in charge of feeding dogs/walking dogs,feeding horse/tending to horse,feeding chickens/checking chicken are safely in at night,feeding cats/checking fkn cats have their cod-liver-oil capsules…[or is that the dogs[…ARRRRRGGGGGH!
ah I know the feeling well the domestic duties of man is never done and yet surely there was a time when all domestic things revolved around us but never involved us what has gawn wrong - I think willie nelsons song explains it all - yes the old dear is still going
It’s a strange old world, chaps.
This afternoon I was ‘poo-picking’ [y’really don’t wanna know] followed by feeding the Memsahib’s equine pet and checking his hooves and shoes,when one of the girls who use the stable asked
“Pug,have you ever shoe’d a horse before?”.
I replied with “A horse,no-but I once told a donkey to f*ck off!”
ah a radio logist heh - haven’t met one of them for years I just think the logistics has gone out of radios these days - she may have assisted you more if she’d been a gynecologist perhaps?? at least she’d have known what the backside of a horse looked like heh?
I have never encountered an objectionable Donkey, they always seem calm, mournful creatures, mind you, I only have interacted with one at close quarters, he had a penchant for dry porridge powder, no wonder folks named him Donkey Oaty.
Donkey Oaty I kew him, Wasn’t he a Commissioner for Oaths?
Ah the blessing of God on yeh for looking after all them animals Pug, you’re a regular little St. Francis of Assisi, you shall be well rewarded in heaven my son.
I am always eager and fully capable of doing the repairs about the house but Phyllis doesn’t trust me with them for some reason known only to herself, I did fall off a ladder once when replacing a pane of glass on an upper window, but that was her fault, she was supposed to be holding it when it slipped, she had wandered down to the gate to natter to some other nattering neighbour. She prefers to get a “Man” in to do the jobs, she doesn’t mind me paying the chap when he’s finished though, needles to say that makes me feel slightly useless, but if your inclined to be the lazy type uselessness can come in very handy.:-)
Don’t go gettin’ up to any mischief when the big cat is away Pug.
I once had an uncle Eustlust ; a rather unfortunate name that he often used to full advantage when introduced to inclement ladies who were rather shy and retiring – he used to introduce himself and then say “but you can just call me lust if you like – there’s more than one way to skin a lust!” he once met RJ’s Uncle Vinnie in the Adriatic amongst the palm groves – and it was there I understand they swopped some very lusty tales that Vinnie later fine tuned into “evening tales for faint hearted ladies”
Unfortunately Uncle Lust as we boys loved to call him came to an unfortunate end when he thrust his lust one night with such force that he blew a blood vessel and thus the lust and thrust were no more!
Does anyone remember the TV Detector Vans? they are as controversial as the Moon Landings, I guess the operators of these will take the secret to the grave.
We were the first in our road to have a colour TV, but the old man only ever paid for a monochrome licence, when I asked what would happen if the “Detector Man” knocked the door, he said he would claim, the only programme we watched was the Black and White Minstrel Show.
I remember those vans Spitty, the fella who operated the one in our area was telling me in the pub years later that they never actually worked, it was just a deterrent, the sight of the round aerial on the van with no windows was enough to have the locals running off to the post office to buy a licence, but the clever folks used to have a blanket ready to throw over the TV set to smother the signal and avoid detection.:-)
I think everyone has an unusual character in their families
My great uncle Davy, God be good to him wasn’t lustful in the least, but he was tall slim and handsome, and as I said before he was happily married to a native American woman from the Pawnee tribe, not to be confused with a lady who takes her valuables to a hock shop, that’s a different kind of pawnee, the maidens of this tribe don’t let you put your paw on their knee until after your married to them.
He was very useful at twisting his body into shapes, this resulted in him being the best dancer north of the Mississippi, had Michael Jackson been around then he would be put to shame. It also meant that there wasn’t a jail that he couldn’t wriggle out of so the local sheriff never bothered locking him up when he got drunk on Saturday nights and started fighting.
Whatever strange way his bones were arranged he could reverse his head and feet, he would perform this special trick for a bar audience anytime he was low on cash, it was so comical to watch him walking the full length of the bar, pint in hand, with his arse in front of him and his feet behind him, it had them all in stitches, P.T. Barnum wanted him to travel the world in his circus billed as the ‘Incredible Rubber Man” but Davy loved his woman too much to leave her at home, all through our family tree the McJem clan have been a faithful lot, you can add generosity, bravery, chivalry, and a host more fine qualities I could go on and on, but modesty prevents me.
I once got one of our horses to fart in a plastic bag and posted it to my mate who lives in That London,because he’d been yapping on about “Smells of the countryside” [although to this day he’s never been east of Romford]
Horse farts in bags, half barrels, what next I wonder.
I wonder what happens to a fart in a space station? it would take months to dissolve in such confined quarters, God those astronauts must have very strong stomachs.:shock:
I have a tiny annoying gripe to grip with today.
Holes in plastic bags. Alright I agree they were necessary to prevent children suffocating when they first came out to replace paper bags, but now even the tiniest bags have holes in them. I get stuff from China in the post regularly and today for example I got a special glue that will conduct electricity, you know when you join two wires together and the wires are so fine and delicate that they break easily when trying to solder them with lead solder, well this glue makes a great bond and no soldering is needed. The tiny tube of glue was in a plastic bag and there were holes in the bag, what the hell for? I was going to use the bag to keep the glue airtight to provent it hardening up, instead I had to use a resealable bag I had. My point is simple, who or what is going to try to get it’s head into a two by two inch plastic bag?, you couldn’t smother a fly in one for Gods sake, it’s like everything else about health and safety, they go way overboard with everything.:twisted:
I kew him, Wasn’t he a Commissioner for Oaths?