Gummy, have you been Grinding your Organ?
Went to a Soft Drinks association do last night, it was very pleasant affair, but, there weren’t any carbonated products on offer, that said, it was a Cordial Event.
I was SO chuffed when my new Batman socks arrived yesterday!
I thought "Pug [coz I know me,so I tend to speak informally] you have to show these to Yes Dear.
So,I stripped off,put on just my new socks,sauntered into the kitchen.
“What d’you want? I didn’t think you knew where the kitchen is!” she exclaimed.
“Look,just…look!” I excitedly burbled.
“What am I supposed to be looking at?” she said
“FFS…my dick’s POINTING at them!” I burbled.
“Oh,riiiiight … so it is … Shame you didn’t buy a new hat”…
[I fkn HATE that woman!]
OK robert try this one for size another cohen ditty
Ah we’re drinking and we’re dancing
And the band is really happening
And the Johnny Walker wisdom running high
And my very sweet companion
She’s the angel of compassion
She’s rubbing half the world against her thigh
And every drinker every dancer
Lifts a happy face to thank her
The fiddler fiddles something so sublime
All the women tear their blouses off
And the men they dance on the polka-dots
And it’s partner found, it’s partner lost
And it’s hell to pay when the fiddler stops
that’s the problem Pug them women take their eyes of the main item and can only think of sex!! whilst us men are looking at our feet!!
If it was me, I’d have worn my Banana Man Socks.
“Robert”
very formal ennit
Just to say I was being ironic
Written by: Unknown, Copyright: Unknown
Bananas in pajamas are coming down the stairs,
Bananas in pajamas are coming down in pairs,
Bananas in pajamas are chasing teddy bears,
'cause on Tuesdays they all try to catch them unawares!
TWO days & NO posts…election blues/?
Soz RJ, but this is a test of resilience.
What about a Burst Test.
Thanks May, we had a very enjoyable week.
Well I must say you lot behaved like absolute gentlemen, makes me heart glow with pride, take a lump of sugar each.
Them rules is OK gummy except for the non smoking one, God only knows we are persecuted enough by non smoking rules as it is, two old lads died of pneumonia from my local last year, standing out in the snow was their doing in, and one old lady fell off a hospital balcony and died having a quick drag, surely one can have a few puffs sitting in the comfort of ones own home, no I don’t agree with that rule, us old smokers should be let die off peacefully with smoke coming from our backsides if we so wish.
“Went to a Soft Drinks association do last night, it was very pleasant affair, but, there weren’t any carbonated products on offer, that said, it was a Cordial Event”
Yes Spitty, I was at one of those do’s in Belfast, some years back, the place was packed with Orangemen and I was squashed. Jack Lemmon was the guest of honour, he said he was barred from every pub in Toronto because he drank Canada Dry. The magician on stage wanted 8 volunteers to assist in a group trick, but he could only get 7 up.:-)
I saw old Johnny McGuire up in the local at lunchtime, he’s 93 and ex merchant navy, he was wearing a divers suit, I asked him why was he wearing it in hot weather like this and he said “My bladder tells me what to wear”
welcome back to the world of nonsense and who better than the master of nonsense himself. we used to have an expression back in the 40’s if we were performing badly - we were called a numbskull - now if I go into the salubrious drinking dens around here the noise level is so high I always come out with a numbed skull and ringing ears and quivering nostrils and sometimes I swear I can see a partridge in the local pear tree.
yes these days one has to keep ones wits about them - I prefer to wear them as an undergarment rather than too exposed. I was often told I was as bright as a new button but no one would tell me what color I was and were the brightness came from?
ah well time to climb the apple and pears once again and drift away in nodland!
Nurse Gillian tells me that have taken to talking in my sleep, something I have no memory of.
I laugh, I cower, I shout,I kick & punch (I have to face away from her in
bed.)
I am assured that it is all unintelligible. But what if it is a spirited attempt from my telepathic ex -masters of the PLANET GREENDOOR? & Whats behind this panorama behind the greendoor?
Frankie Vaughan would turn in his grave
can you hear “there’s an old piano and they play it hot behind the green door”?
Well at least your laughing in your sleep RJ, that’s a good sign so look on the bright side, better to have happy nightmares than no sleep at all.
Poor Frankie Vaughan. Did I ever tell you about the time a bloke came into the local on a Friday night? He had two tickets for Frankie’s show at the Gate theatre that night and his girlfriend couldn’t go so rather than waste them he offered them to anyone who wanted to go for free, he got no takers, me heart bled for poor Frankie, but I’m sure he was built of sterner stuff, a tower of strength one might say.
Well, geezers who have Prostrate Problems would laugh at Cat Stevens, when he sang “I can’t keep it in, I can’t keep it in I got to let it out”.
That was one of my favourite songs Spitty, I used to love Cat, but then he went all religious and faded out.
I deliberately planned my weeks holiday to get away from all this election crap that was seeping across the Irish sea, everyone was talking about it everywhere, so I felt relaxed and happy as the wife and me set out for Kerry from old Kingsbridge station.
No sooner had I opened my book (It was called “Now is your chance” by Ivor Bear) when a middle-aged Englishman and his missus sat down beside us, and guess what he talked about all the way down to Killarney? Your right.
Oh woe is me, you just can’t get away from it anymore.
Teresa May want’s to stay, in a cabinet for five years
This will cause some joy and others tears
She’s going to need plenty of fresh air
Or else she will suffocate whilst in there
Meanwhile Boris, the Billy Bunter of Blondefriars
Is pacing the corridors with the other town criers
I think he’d look lovely dressed up in pretty frocks
What with his perpetual smile and his golden locks
All and all the future of brexit looks very rocky
More cap in hand now, can’t be too cocky.
Who is this “Sticky” chap and why is everyone licking up to him?
I go to “Your Introductions” to welcome some new person and all I can see is “Sticky would you like a welcome graphic?” “Sticky don’t be shy, say hi” It’s all favouritism I say.
Don’t mind me I’m easily amused.
There used to be a family on our street called McGlue, no messin’, that was their real surname, they had one daughter and all the boys called her Sticky McGlue, she moved to Canada but came back a few years ago when she retired and bought a house in the old neighbourhood, she’s a lovely woman and comes up to the local regularly, I hadn’t seen her in decades and she came over to me when she first arrived home, I didn’t know her from Adam “Do you not know who I am Jimmy?” she asked me, she saw the bewildered look on me and said “It’s me!, Sticky McGlue!” Well you could fit an apple into me mouth.
Talking about being easily amused, that new Budlight ad really cracks me up, every time I see the frogs I break into laughter, the wife doesn’t like it she hates frogs ever since the time she narrowly missed being turned into one in a nightmare she had as a child.:shock: