sprung a leak?
Not yet.
well at your age you must be getting close to it!!
I went to a Fire Exit exhibition yesterday with some aged Hippies I know, I thought it was dull and boring, but, they thought it was Way-Out Man.
The film was over before the child was born, however I heard from a reliable source that they had a son and he learned to read and write, read a lot of books and won a scholarship to Oxford where he studied law. He graduated and developed into a fine handsome man, then he went to London where he acquired premises to set up a law firm, on his way to pick up the keys he slipped on a banana skin and was knocked down by a tram, fatally injured. A tragic end really, he had such a promising future.and possibly the makings of another film for the studio.
I’m sure there’s a moral here somewhere, but I’m damned if I can spot the connection between a banana and a lawyer, now had he been just an ordinary copper he and the banana would both be peelers. Oh God! it’s worse I’m gettin in me old age. 
Back to the drawing board with yeh Jem.
Wasn’t the Sprog the product of the Butler (and the Lady), and see, the son should have known, coming from such a background, to have Dumbed Down, being Fruitful beyond one’s station, can be fatal, as illustrated here. Then, think of the impact of this situation on the Tram Driver, a crowd gathers, the Driver disembarks, a concerned looker-on asks the Driver “is the Lad alive”, “I think not” replies the Driver “I think the Bastards Dead”.
I was out walkin the dog today along the old ill stream, when I saw me old mate Shamus standing in the middle of the stream with a container in his hand. What for goodness sake are you doing there Shamus I asked? Well said Shamus me doctor wants me to take a mid stream urine sample!
I think he’s takin the piss says I!
I was talking to me old mate Paddy “My doctor suggests that I need some nose surgery to correct an old boxing wound. How much would that cost I asked ?” – Oh said the doc around 15 thousand pounds he replied – Paddy replied – I think ya paying through the nose!
Actually I believe the tram driver did a runner after the accident Spitty, the police eventually tracked him to a monastery in Scotland, the monks had given him sanctuary as he had gone completely off the rails, unfortunately that used to happen to a lot of tram drivers back then, some were sent for treatment then reemployed as conductors, but a lot of them couldn’t handle the change and would spark up at the innocent passengers, eventually they had to go.
I miss the old bus conductors on the busses, like everything else in the interest of progress they had to go, interest in profit more likely, still since they vanished the state transport company is still running at a loss and the experts at the top of the heap had to install cameras to conduct the passengers and that doesn’t seem to stop the hooliganism, experts my arse.
I alway thought well of bus conductors, isn’t it an achievement to be able to conduct those who cannot conduct themselves, sort of like mods on a forum. ;-)
Remember the ‘Breasters’ on lorries years ago? everything seems to a one man/woman operation nowadays and yet the service is worse than it ever was, methinks we were all conned, in the interest of progress of course.;-)
Good ones there Gummy, reminds me of this very old one.
Paddy and Shamus were trying to escape from the nut house, Paddy says to Shamus “We’ll never get over the huge outside wall, it’s 20 feet high” “Not to worry” says Shamus “I have a great idea, we’ll go at midnight and I’ll get me powerful torch and shine it up the wall, you can walk up the beam and get on the top of the wall, then I’ll throw you up the torch and you shine it down and I’ll walk up it”
“I don’t think so, I don’t trust you Shamus, your always playing tricks on me” says Paddy “When I’m halfway up the wall you’ll turn off the flashlight for a laugh”
It’s back to work now for another few hours, and just when the sun is coming out too.
and now to sweeter things!
One dismal rainy night in London, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. “Where to Miss?” he stammered.
“Kings Cross,” answered the woman.
“You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at driver?”
“Well madam,” he answered, “I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare?”
"The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?”.
Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?
Ah yes, but she wanted to be driven to Inverness. ;-)
Whatever happened to the “Jet set”? God they thought they were the bee’s knees didn’t they, now every Tom Dick and Harry is jetting all over the place.
I hang out with a few ex boxers in the local, they love watching TV series, they called themselves the “Boxed set”
Well at least it’s original.
How ya keeping Pug! 
There was a young fellow called Pug
who showed elements of being a thug
he would bash people up just because they did cuss
I love being in a gang with a thug!
What a strange place this
No signs Abound
Is it Utopia
Or Cloud Cuckoo Land?
I came across a wonderful poem by that great modern Greek poet and thinker Freado, what a writer. I showed it to the missus but she was not in the least impressed, then I tried to explain it to her.
“When he writes the words “She has a magnificent head” in the epic work “All that a Man could desire” non followers of Freado’s work would think he was looking over a horse at Goffs thoroughbred sales, but to the true follower, i.e. me, he is passing the highest compliment to the Lady, to a woman her head is the most important part of her body and to say that it is magnificent is the ultimate praise.
He goes on “When she reclined on the sofa the sofa vanished as if by magic” Don’t be mistaken here and think that she was so fat that you couldn’t see the sofa anymore, what he’s conveying to the reader is that her beauty was looked upon by all present and nobody bothered looking at the antique Queen Ann sofa anymore.
Finally when we come to the bathing scene by the river on a beautiful July day, and as she puts on her bathing suit behind a stout tree, he makes the comment “Come as you were born dearest, why struggle for modesty sake?” It doesn’t mean she’s struggling to get into the thing, she’s struggling inside to get out and be natural, but fears it will cheapen her in his eyes.
You either understand Freado or you don’t, it’s that simple”
There is no doubt about it, Freado could write about snails crap and make it sound romantic, what a poet!
All I got from the wife for me trouble was “The bloody eejit” :shock:
talkin about poEtrEE as the welsh say - here’s a great Jewish tale!
At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”
“Good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
“What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzos.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick to audit our accounts.”
love it, that is a classic Gummy, well done me lad.
The wife and me are off on the train early in the morning, her niece is getting married in Kilkenny and much feasting and merriment is planned, should be back in a couple of days, behave yourselves boys and don’t forget to wipe your bums now.
One is FREE of the blighted Citroen Picasso and it’s interminable lust for steering-fluid!]
[yes,I just KNEW you’d all be delighted for me]
Well,having replaced the suspension struts,anti-roll bars,tops and track-rods…the bast&rd thing,rather than show gratitude,started spewing steering oil all over the ground.
“Oh,how inconvenient” I thought,“I shall attend to this problem immediately”.
All steering pipes hoses were replaced-so the f#cking thing puked out of the pump instead.
“Enough!” I expostulated-and drove to a nearby dealer with whom I am familiar.
I was honest,showed him the pump leaking,the current mot ticket,the low mileage.
“My attention was caught by one of your vehicles” quothe I “Can we deal?”
[I’d driven past two days previously in the truck and stopped to look at a particular car]
“Hmmm”,he said “Where did your car come from?”
“France,you prat!” replied I,in full amiable sociability mode.
Anyway-the deal was done,he took my car in p/x,plus a free skip.
I got a low-mileage [67,000]petrol Fiesta,one-owner,with full year’s mot,1.3 petrol…for £225 cash,one free 8 yard skip & my manky Citroen.
I was amazed when I taxed it today-£78 for the year!
Plus the insurance has dropped £48-so Deep Joy.
Only concern…after driving trucks,loaders,diggers and a people-carrier,I’ve got very used to the pedals being almost beneath my feet. The Fiesta feels like they’re AHEAD of my feet…if that makes sense???
BUT [you still there,chaps] What REALLY got me,was just how much UTTER CRAP there was to transfer from my Citroen to this diddymobile.
Toolboxes,overalls,jacks,waterproof jackets,hi-viz tabards,various bags of sweets [ok,ok,I like Werthers-shuddup!],windscreen-scrapers,LOTS of plastic bottles of ionised water,de-icer,rad-flush,oil and steering-fluids,PLUS 1st-aid kits [2] extinguishers [2] jump-leads,tow-ropes and various pairs of sunglasses I’d forgotten I own,plus various items I found,looked at,thought “Wtf?” and disposed of. [oh,plus a packet of 3-year-old chewing-gum]
…Oh…not to mention Tigger & Eeyore,who sit on the back seat wearing seatbelts.
[both from skips…shuddup #2]
Is anyone else in this predicament? Is I da only person on the planet with a car full of crap?
Or are all you chaps in the same condition-if you’re honest?
Hmmm…‘loud silence didst greet him’…
Ok,y’ratbags [I am NOT a thug,gumbud. Merely adequately capable regarding those who proffer violence rather than discussion…m’kay pal?]
ANYWAY…I thought mayhap you chaps [and chappettes] may enjoy this challenge. In this picture there is a snake-can you spot it? I give you my word,there IS a snake in the picture.
I looked up the answer, and still could not see it, that species is obviously Billy no Mates in the Autumn.