Whilst I was downstairs listening to the news about a certain Mr Johnson, I could hear my Uncle/FiL’s radio playing a song upstairs by Fleetwood Mac. The singist was singing the words,
“Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies …;.”
stop makin up these funny stories!! steady on fruits steady on it’s not an omen more like an amen perhaps - have you been hearing any ringings in the ears lately - or optics in ya coptics? leave it to Jem mate he’s the one who is very good at makin all these unrelated connections to unrelated occurrences in the universe?
Since I retired I’m not so fond of weekends any more. I used to look forward to them, but now the weekend is just two days of doing without the pleasure I get from knowing everyone is at work. Time has flipped back to front: the week flies by and the weekend drags. I often lose track of what day it is and have to look it up, and it slightly depresses me when it turns out to be Saturday. That never happens on a Sunday because I never manage to get through Saturday without realising it at some point, and the knowledge is still fresh in my mind when Sunday arrives. Don’t get me started on bank holidays.
Me and you Harb, I have been retired since 2002 and have never grafted so much because, time for times sake is no big deal.
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Is a Thruple logical?
The Decade is nearly done
Is there time, for one more Pun
Seen good and seen Scum
That was always the Diktat Forum
Fought for thought
Nought retort
Comment for Sport
Response Distort
Post Abort.
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That sounds like a rap, spitty, if you imagine it to a throbbing beat.
ah the more mature Elvis methinks!
get awf stage left 
Someone once called it leisurely scribbles
but it was never like that from the start
the dialogue was furious; forbidden and curious
and someone let out an occasional f……izzle?
There were ditties and pretties
and then there was Jem?
A professor of psychics
without a gold pen
He sat in his den till Phyllis called time
he said “see ya all later she’s got me all primed!
Don’t know how we did it but we all slotted in
the islanders from all over from shettie to Dub….lin!
And no one was banished all loved by the mods
but RJ was most beloved and he blushed to his socks!
We had a few Woo mans who graced our great tables
and we loved what they offered they were suitably able
but then came the great crash like a ‘wall street’dilemma
and it shook us all up around June or September?
And now as we stutter and start from the go
we call out to their ghosts wherever they may show
how we need you more now then ever before
Cos it’s a half covered show : ya not here anymore?
nb: I never write these from the head ; they just appear as if already written and demand a voice? - don’t shoot the messenger!
I ran into an old mate on the High Street today who I hadn’t seen in years; it was great to see him again. Kev, or Damp Patch, as he was called at school, had hardly changed at all. We had a good old catch up, and I was sorry to hear he still has his old problem. Kev has got a very rare condition that causes him to ejaculate every time he sneezes. It’s not so bad in the winter, but, due to his severe hayfever, is a nightmare for him in summer. He didn‘t sneeze once while we were talking, which I was glad about.
I might have told this story somewhere else if it sounds familiar. 
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If I see an old mate, I just run, no question,
the number of old mates that have asked me to lend em a quid and i tell them I only have ozzie dollars then they reply oh not them they are two a pound no good to me!
Here it feels like I am in either a:
a) a mosque waiting for the Iman or Hi man to come in or
b) in a buddhist temple waiting for the big buddha man to come in or
c) in a Hindu temple waiting for the guru to come in or
d) in a Cof E waiting for the cleaner to come in or
e) an Irish temple waiting for the chief barman to come in either way it’s a bloody long time waitin for a pint of the black and gold stuff - Ay thank you ay thank you ay thank you!!
now let me surmise ? - when he’s around he always says goodnight to all and sundry - yes there is a member called sundry if you search enough! but as he once pointed out we all have an “activity” log which is open to scrutiny but not tampering with !! he has not said goodnight for approximately 7 days now so I imagine that Phyllis must have ‘dragged’ him off again to visit the rellies in them thar hills and he could be back tomorrow or the week after - depends how much he enjoys the ladies companies?? bless you ; you Liffey keeper!
Good morning all and one. Well it’s another day of enforced rest for me by here today a-cause of the adverse effects excesses of temperature can have on my dicky ticker.
The enforcement is being enforced by the chief enforcement officer in her capacity as family enforcement liaison.
I know when not to argify.
I am so glad I installed a batch of ceiling fans many decades ago, as well as an aircon unit in our loft conversion. When I first fitted it, I was awoken by an intermittent metallic sound during the night. Polterghost, thought I. Well, any logical chap would think thus, would they not?
It took me ages to track it down but I eventually discovered the wind from said cooling device was just enough to lift the lid of the waste bin directly in its path just inside the door of our en-suet. As soon as it lifted it would immediately drop down again with a ting.
I wonder how many ghoulies and ghosties and long legeddy beasties, and things that go bump in the night are caused by a natural phenomenon. Most, if not all of it, probably.
On the interwebular news the other day was a photo taken of the sky (the word skies seems silly to me; how can you have more than one sky?) above London, purporting to show three metallic spheres in flight. I looked, and I thought to myself, (well nobody else is going to think for me, I mean, who on earth would want to wander around the deep dark recesses of my mind?) and I thought, they look just like three drops of water on the lens or a window. Who makes this stuff up?
More importantly, (well no, not really) who believes it?
you sound a bit delirious today fruit and nuts? must be the weather and the bats in your belfry? I would certainly expect a man of your calibre to have at the least ceiling fans if not the odd aircon or two? I am sitting here at 2 am with a jumper and long trousers as atm it is 9C enough to freeze the balls of a major league game!@!@ the world has gone crazy - mind you I think it might creep up to 37 later today but nothing we can’t handle and jangle! I see that mr harbal has departed your sunny shores for the moment - what a great shame loved his cutting wit too wit too wit! even spittie has stopped spitting atm?? and Jem must be seekin out the coolest spot in the emarald isle if he can find one?
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the night patrol geeks have informed us that Jem is still not saying “goodnight” here - wot is he a naughty; naughty ’ naughty boy [john cleese voice over!!]
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