Leisurely Scribbles (Part 2)

[Jem]

I was going to put this post in your “Vaccine Booster” thread Spitty, but then I realised it was in the health section and that’s a serious section not to be messing around in.

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I see you got yours Fruity, and without any after effects, good for you.

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The wife and me got our booster jab this morning, we both feel great after it so far, it was the Pfizer one again, that’s three Pfizer jabs we got and thank God we never had any side effects whatsoever, had we been offered any of the other vaccines we would have not got a booster, I’ve heard too many sad stories about the after effects of some of them, including two members of my own family who were very sick afterwards.

The new Doc is a bit of a comedian and even though he’s only in his thirties he’s a great Rolling Stones fan, just like his dad, our previous doctor was.
As he approached me he held the crimson-banded syringe up before my eyes and started singing:

“I am the little red booster, too crazy to go away, I am the little red booster, stuck in your arm today…”
He did the Mick Jagger face an all, made me laugh, lunatic that he is.

Then we had to wait 15 minutes before we could leave, a nurse was timing us, she asked us how we felt and we said grand, a few minutes later she came in the door, looked at me and said, “You have two minutes left” “What!” says I, “To live?, what the hell was in that syringe he gave us”

That managed to get a smile out of her.
They’re all nuts up in that surgery.

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The wife and me are heading off to her brothers place in Wexford for the weekend, so I won’t be here for a couple of days, see yiz all later.

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Here’s Mick and his Little Red Booster, he’s very young here, as me dear old mother used to say when he came on the TV “He has lovely lips for cooling soup”

The Rolling Stones – Little Red Rooster (1964) [High Quality Sound, Subtitled]

[Jem]

Gone Fishing.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat it, give him a fishing rod and he’ll catch his own.
I forget exactly how it goes but that’s the gist of it.

About 10 years ago, and with that principe in mind I went to see the bank manager looking for a large loan to buy a small cottage in Kerry.

I was dressed to the nines in a navy blue suit, white shirt, an Oxford tie, and highly polished black leather shoes. When I was called into his office he asked me to sit down, then he smiled and said.

“Ah!, I see you were at Oxford, and what did you do there?”

“Well besides buying a nice tie I also visited the old library and had a boat trip on the river, very historical place to visit”
“Yes isn’t it” he frowned “Now let’s get down to business, you are seeking a €100,000 advancement to purchase a dilapidated property in the country, some remote part of Kerry it seems.”
“That is correct Mr. Corrigan”
“€100,000 is a lot of money Mr. Mac”
“I know that Mr. Corrigan, but look at it this way, imagine you own a fishing tackle shop and I want to buy a fishing rod, I don’t want to buy your whole shop only one fishing rod, when you sell me that rod I can then go out fishing everyday during the fishing season and catch fish which I can then sell, and when I have caught €100,000 worth of fish I will be able to give you your money back, how does that sound to you sir?”
“Get out and don’t be wasting my time you idiot!|

PS. Well as you read I couldn’t get the man to see reason and I didn’t get the loan, but I did learn the hard way that all those old proverbs are a load of crap, pay no heed to them.

Bing Crosby & Louis Armstrong - Gone Fishin' (1951) - YouTube

[spitfire]

Run Forest run, some new manifestations have “Legs”.

[Fruitcake]

Ah yes, the old technique of making an eight day camel by bricking it.
“Ooh, doesn’t that hurt?”
“Not unless you trap your thumbs!”

Doing a personal job whilst at work was know as making a “foreigner”. Another site where I occasionally worked, they were called, “homers.”

I hope you enjoyed your holidette in Wexford. 'Tis a fine place to visit.

I have been self harming again, all though other people sometimes call it DIY. I am in the process of replacing some lights in the gazebo, and part of it involved folding my body into a space smaller than my mass is wont to go. I ached for several days thereafter.
I also managed to nick my thumb and made it bleed. Once upon a time I would give it a lick and it would stop bleeding, but now I’m on blood thinners it keeps going for ages to the point where I have to visit my Lovey Cousin to get a good plastering from her. She is quite used to me calling out, “Nurse, nurse, I need a nurse!”

[Jem]

Howya doin’ Fruity, not to worry about cuts and bruises, you’re a hard nut that don’t crack easily.

The missus and me had a terrific time in Wexford, thanks.

I’m always getting cuts on me hands in the shed, burned fingers too, but as I’ve said many times before on here, the best cure for the burns is to immediately rub your finger or whatever part of your hand was burned vigorously into your hair for a few seconds, this will prevent blistering, a Turkish bloke I worked with years ago gave me that tip and it always worked for me, or course that’s provided it’s not burned so bad that smoke is coming from it.
Don’t ask me how you’d do that if you burned your neck or your arse.

I did burn me bum a long time ago but that’s too embarrassing a story to relate, interesting though.

The wife bought me a tin of that stuff you spray on a cut, “Spray on Plasters” I think it’s called, it’s great stuff, stops the bleeding and forms a thin antiseptic coating over the wound so it doesn’t get in your way when you have to continue working, pity it wasn’t out years ago.

What was the bleeding time?

Sir Lancelott Spratt - James Robertson Justice

[Jem]

Looney Tunes.

“Big Bird, Elmo, and other Sesame Street stars have been banned from attending the US Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), organisers announced this week. The popular TV puppets were told they were not welcome at the 2022 Florida event, following a tweet from Big Bird, claiming to have received the COVID-19 vaccine.” Sky News.

I thought only little birds tweet, remember Tweety Pie and Sylvester?
How bloody childish is that!, unbelievable, I’m presuming all these politicians are adults, are they?
Big Bird is one big lovable character, what a shame they are bringing children’s puppets into politics, and the same republican conservatives have accused Bert and Ernie of having a gay relationship, even questioning the race of certain puppets, how petty can they get.

What a filthy game politics is, nothing and nobody is spared in the pursuit of power and greed. I have long despaired and given up on the whole political swindle, we really are fools to put up with it, but as long as we do it will continue, I can only pray future generations will cop on to them and clean up the whole messy corrupt system, there has to be a fairer way to govern people.

Then again it may not be such a new idea using comic characters in politics, we’ve had our share of Mickeys Mouse politicians telling us what to do for decades, another “leader” we had was nicknamed “Biffo”. while we also had a minister who was the spitting image of “Goofy”, all quacking together like a raft of Donald Ducks at question time in the Dail (pronounced “Doyle”=Irish Parliament).
Yes you would always find them guzzling in the subsidised bar of the Dail, and when they get tipsy they all sing their looney tunes together and forgot their differences, drink being the great equalised that it is, bishops, kings. beggars and thieves, all sprout the same crap when they’re drunk.
Perhaps if we kept them perpetually drunk they would agree all the time and then we could move forward and get things done properly.

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This has to be one of the best cartoons ever produced (in my opinion), a real ageless classic.
Here is the short version of it but you still get the gist, “free beer” never fails to pack them in.

Hello my Baby... all frog songs

[Jem]

Watched ‘The Ghost and Mrs Muir’ on youtube last night, it was quite a few years since I saw it last and I enjoyed it.
I’ve always been interested in the old films and the players in them, before the internet I used to take out biographies of film stars and famous people from the library.

George Saunders, the typical toff in most of his films was in it and sometimes I like to look up the lives of actors after watching a film they appeared in, Wikipedia is great for that sort of thing.
I was very surprised to discover he was not even an Englishman, he was in fact a Russian, born in St Petersburg in1906 and moved to England just before the revolution. He was 65 when he popped himself in 1972.

“Sanders suffered from dementia, worsened by waning health, and visibly teetered in his last films, owing to a loss of balance. According to Aherne’s biography, he also had a minor stroke. Sanders could not bear the prospect of losing his health or needing help to carry out everyday tasks, and became deeply depressed. At about this time he found that he could no longer play his grand piano, so he dragged it outside and smashed it with an axe. His last girlfriend persuaded him to sell his beloved house in Majorca, Spain, which he later bitterly regretted. From then on he drifted.
On 23 April 1972, Sanders checked into a hotel in Castelldefels, a coastal town near Barcelona. He was found dead two days later, having gone into cardiac arrest after swallowing the contents of five bottles of the barbiturate Nembutal. He left behind three suicide notes, one of which read:
Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck”
Wikipedia.
Hello hello hello, that rings a bell, I knew a London bobby who committed suicide, he left behind three suicide notes too, each of them said the same thing “Goodbye goodbye goodbye”

Strange isn’t it, Sanders always struck me as a man oozing self confidence, the last person on earth to commit suicide, but then again you have to consider he had dementia at the time, a terrible curse to have to live with, poor man rest his soul.

Did you know that Sidney James was a South African?, now I would have bet me last euro on him being a true cockney lad.
I also found out that Richard Todd was a Dubliner, his father was a doctor and played rugby for Ireland, three caps, well blow me down, that’s news to me.

[spitfire]

@Jem

three caps, well blow me down, that’s news to me.

There are many curious folks, who knows what is going on and who is a quitter and why?

[Fruitcake]

The Black Dog. Depression. The thing that makes people do terrible things like take take their own lives.’

'Tis a terrible thing.

Two of Richard Todd’s sons took their own lives.

We helped a close relative move home a while ago, and found a suicide note amongst their belongings. Thankfully they are now happily married, but it could have ended so tragically otherwise.

A former colleague took his own life. He lived for work and had nothing to look forward to after he retired.

A friend of our youngest took her own life.

My Lovely Cousin’s best friend’s dad had a degenerative disease. When it got to much he took his own life. Our friend’s house became a crime scene.

It’s not just the people who take their own lives that are affected when something like this happens.

[Jem]

That’s true Spitty, you never know what goes through another individuals mind, even those you love no matter how well you may think you know them.

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Yes indeed Fruity, suicide in a family leaves so much sorrow to the rest of the family, so many “Why” and “What could we have done to prevent it” questions remain.

A nephew of the wife’s hung himself from the attic trapdoor twenty years or so back, he was 25 years old then, a lovely lad, but heavily into drugs, there was a drug epidemic in Dublin then, and drugs were the cause of hundreds of young suicides here. His Mother never got over it to this day, so sad.

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I think this pandemic will play havoc on folks who are not strong minded, the mental health damage will be very severe, all so depressing, one day it’s supposed to be getting better and the next day we are back to square one again, all the ‘experts’ were caught with their trousers down this time, now they’re starting to blame one another, nobody will admit they were wrong, it’s always the way with ‘experts’.

Everyone is confused with the advice given out, masks are good, masks are useless, vaccines work, vaccines don’t work etc. etc… You would think in a technically advanced world where they can get helicopters to fly on Mars they would have been prepared for something like this plague which is a recurring event in human history (plagues), I despair.

Ah well, Spring is getting nearer, the only good thing about Winter is you can always look forward to Spring and then Summer when we can get out a bit more, and hope that 2022 will see the thing off till the next new virus comes along, and as sure as eggs is eggs one will.

[Jem]

On a lighter note.

The wife’s eldest Sister Maisie is 92 and she’s great craic to be out with, she can down three pints of Guinness in a night no bother, not bad for her age, her ‘medicine’ she calls it and I have to say she looks great on it.

She’s got a lovely pair of shapely legs and she is very proud of them.

Unfortunately a few weeks ago she stood on a chair to get a hat from the top of her wardrobe and when she stepped down she stood on the cat, fell over and broke her leg, the cat was not injured at all by the way.
Sadly Maisie’s broken leg will take a good while to set, but they are sturdy enough to take it.

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Maisie’s Legs.

The wife’s Sister Maisie may be old and crazy
But she’s proud of her youthful legs
She gets the old lads going once they are showing
What a wonderful pair of pegs.

Now old Joe at the local, who’s not very vocal
He never has much to say
But whenever he’s able he sits near our table
Staring her legs away.

I’m not being rude when I say they are smooth
Indeed a sight to treasure
And I’ll have you know that Marilyn Monroe’s
Could never come up to their measure.

Then sadly one day on the floor she lay
Having fell over her pet
When she reached for her hat she tripped over the cat
It’ll be a while before out she’ll get.

So here specially for you dear Maisie is a get well tune, and please do put all your beautiful hats in a safer place next time, may I suggest a tea chest like Tommy Cooper used to use?
From your favourite brother in law, Jem. xxx (all her other 7 brother in laws are dead)

As they used to say when all men wore hats “It’s all in yer hat mate”

Al Simmons Where Did You Get That Hat

[Jem]

We buried an old drinking buddy today, poor old Ollie rest his soul, not many of us oldies left in the local now.
I was freezing up in Glasnevin Cemetery as he was lowered down, only about ten folks there including the wife and me, he was a single fella of 84 who never married.
He was ailing for a long time and finally lost his battle with lung cancer, poor chap never even smoked.

I hate having to go up to that graveyard even if it’s only about a mile away, I’m alway expecting the fella at the gate to tell me not to bother going home as I’m practically home already.

No wake, just a couple of jars in the local afterwards then home, the old traditional wake is dying out fast here.

And now, a few good words for an unsung servant of the dead.

“Ode to the Undertaker” by Jem.

There’s seldom a mention, never mind a verse
For that dignified gentleman, at the front of the hearse
We pay no attention to him, it’s as if he wasn’t there
But he holds it all together, when there’s sorrow and despair.

His face will be solemn, stern, and without expression
And he holds his head high, as he leads out the procession
So spare a thought for the man, who’s paid to let you down
He really is a King you know, with a topper for a crown.

[Fruitcake]

Nice powm, m’lad.

You often hear that some bloke is a leg man, or a boob man, or big-arse man, but I must admit to being indecisive when it comes expressing my preferences about the physical attributes of a lady.
My Lovely Cousin has all of the above, so I couldn’t tell 'ee which one has dominion over the rest, 'cept perhaps her inner beauty, which she has a plenty.

Good legs at ninety two? Well iffin they look good, and hold the old ducks up at that age they must be a good ol’ pair o’ pins. I hope the one makes a fast recovery so she can go a-showing them off again.

I think there are perhaps several types of old ladies.

Old Dears
Old Ducks
Old Biddies
Old Boots
Old Witches

Old Dears. Harmless lovely old ladies who would never say boo to a goose, bake a mean apple pie, and dote on their grandchildren

Old Ducks. Helping anyone with a sudden school baking homework emergency, and surprising everyone by drinking pints down the pub at the end of a whist drive.

Old Biddies. Pillars of the community, organising raffles and doing selfless fundraising for the village hall or church roof repairs, endlessly telling folk how much worse off other people are, and giving well intentioned but not well received advice on how people should live their lives.

Old Boots. Cursing and complaining about the young swearing at the bus stop, chewing gum, and tossing empty beer tins into the gutter, then slagging off the vicar for his liberal sermons and throwing empty gin bottles into the street.

Old Witches. Ridiculed and scorned, partly feared by the young because of their physical appearance and lifestyle, yet the first person people call when a labour goes wrong.

[Jem]

Smashing post Fruity.

I love your summing up of the five types of old ladies, so true, and I’m happy to say I’ve encountered them all at some stage, but thankfully not all five together, can you imagine what a hoot that would be if that group were all jarred in a pub.

About poems, the way I see it is folks look at poetry in different ways, some see the heart of the poet while others see inside the head of the poet and how his/her minds works, but whether they come from the heart, head, or even the backside of the poet, they are all original and for that reason alone I admire them for taking the time and effort of putting it together.
I don’t know the difference between good and bad poetry, but I enjoy reading ordinary peoples poems as I do those from well known sources.

Personally I have always liked amusing poems the best, but they are the poor relation of the serious ones and are not in the same category, or so Seamus Knott a serious poet from the Arran Islands was telling me last Summer, he was a top cop in New York in his younger days, arrested 150 prostitutes in one night, I believe he got the Book her prize for that.

Johnny Tillotson - Poetry In Motion

[Jem]

i believe the first rule of verbal confusion is, if someone says something to you that you don’t understand, you say something back to them that they don’t understand, then you both start off on an even keel and it’s all plain sailing thereafter.

I’ll give you a quick example.

John: “Hello Joe, nice weather we had tomorrow…”

Joe interrupting: “…Looking back at it now John, it was a bit too warm for my mushrooms…”

John interrupting: “…Must be all this global gravitation that’s going on, I think it’s time to square up the Arctic Circle, that’s where it’s all happening…”

Joe: “…If only they’d listened to Oliver Reed when he said “Take cover Cindy”, we wouldn’t be in this mess now…”

On and on you can go and never any disagreement.

If you ever watched the old Charlie Chan films on youtube you’ll see what mean, here’s some short clips of Mantan (Bug eyes) Moreland & Ben Carter, who were regulars in the Chan pictures.
This routine was called “indefinite talk” in which they would speak to one another, start a sentence only to be interrupted by the other, yet they understand each other perfectly. I have never seen this type of comedy act repeated in more modern times. I find the expert timing in these clips superb.

Just look at the confused face on Charlie Chan’s No.1 Son, he’s the sensible one, yet he’s the odd one out here.

Mantan Moreland & Ben Carter

[Jem]

I was talking to my son on the phone this morning, he’s in the computer servicing business, he was saying that all this wifi stuff is frying our brains and giving many younger people cancer, he mentioned two of his former mates who now have it.

On one big job they were doing in the city centre the internet supplier fellas signals were being blocked by the erection of a huge crane, in order to keep constant supply they used micro waves for a while, you know, the stuff that cooks your chickens in minutes.

He looked up EU statistics and said although the smoking is down to 30% now, the cancer rate is rising all the time, and after the recent cervical cancer cock up here I’d well believe we’re not being told the whole truth about anything any more, too many fat fingers in all the big profitable pies I suspect.

So where does that leave us, you try to eat all the right foods, get plenty of exercise and fresh air, give up the gargle, crucify yourself trying to pack up the fags and when you finally succeed your brain gets nuked.

Then if you’re steeped in luck and manage to survive all that, they insult you by saying we’re living too long, we have too many old age pensioners and we’ll have to up the state pension age.
You just can’t win these days can you.

Kenny Rogers - In Our Old Age

[spitfire]

Yep, being Frazzled is the order of the day, RJ jumped ship just in time, no one wish him back, timing is everything.

[Jem]

You often hear people say after a tragic event “It could have happened to me”

Now when I see a God sent ‘tragedy” like this I say “Why didn’t it happen to me”

“Storm Arwen: Customers facing third night trapped at pub in Yorkshire Dales after heavy snow hit region”
Sky news.
Lucky devils.

[Psmith]

Oh Look! There’s a couple going to get trapped.

[spitfire]

Yes, those poor victims.

Culture Club - Victims (Video 1983)