I hope all goes to plan for you Ffosse… 
I’m hoping it’s good news for you today Ffosse.
I hope the news is good Dreamy.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
It’s not good news: my cancer has turned from Hodgkins lymphoma which was in remission into Non-Hodgkins which is far more serious. Tumours can pop up anywhere and my life will be shortened. It’s a cancer that can be treated but not cured, so I have incurable cancer for life. They did say it was fortunate the tumour was around my spinal column rather than inside it. I have a ton of literature to read about but have been warned not to go online too much about it - this I know is good experience.
There are still plenty of things they can do. Firstly, next week getting some bone marrow and starting on a new course of chemotherapy. Lots of hospital visits, overnight stays etc. My immune system will be compromised greatly again and I have to be careful about infections, but I’m determined to enjoy whatever is left. And there are always new treatments popping up, 3 this past year so far I am told.
Luckily I had a couple of good friends to talk to immediately afterwards. Tonight I’m telling my sister, her partner and a few other friends and family. Strangely, I went to Argos and spent a couple of hours mindlessly shopping, buying a few bits and pieces before walking home. I must have walked 7 miles today but needed it. I still visited my hospital friend - he and I have a lot in common and I have a nice tea - meatballs, vegetables and pasta for tonight. Took 2 codeine because my neck was aching.
I don’t believe I’m at the denial stage yet. Am booking a visit to Kirriemuir to see J.M. Barrie’s house and the Peter Pan museum/place - I had never got round to this before now, but a Spring visit should be lovely.
I want to thank you all for your heartfelt wishes - this thread has been good for me.
Dreamy I am truly sorry to read this.
I can only pray for you.
This news has made me sad.
I will always be here if you need me.
You have my email.
Ffosse, I’m so sorry the results weren’t the ones you were hoping for … thinking of you.
In terms of prognosis I was most interested, as I imagine anyone would be.
The Consultant did say that it wasn’t the heavy years of drinking or other aspects of an unhealthy lifestyle that led to this: it could simply happen to anyone, but I am determined to be as disciplined as possible around my remaining health, not being hard on myself but never relaxing too much, and always allowing myself to enjoy moments in life that I might otherwise miss. Drink it all in through a fresh pair of eyes so to speak.
Ffosse, I’m so sorry to hear about this mate. It’s awful.
They may be right in telling you not to look up things on the internet about your condition, especially on dodgy sites such as Wikipedia. But there are forums which are populated by cancer sufferers who may give you advice as they have been in a similar situation. I know this as my wife had lots of advice from one last year.
Thing is though to not spend too much time on them as it could very well make you depressed.
So I’d say take things easy but try to enjoy life as best as you can bud to take things off your mind if possible.
I wish you well mate
I’m truly sorry it wasn’t good news Ffosse. Planning a trip away sounds good. Take care.
I’m planning - along with whatever they tell me to do - to concentrate a bit more on the spiritual side of life, this being an area I’ve neglected, what friendship means etc. and maybe getting along to an AA meeting or two. Although I no longer drink, I still have alcoholic friends, more than one, I’m sure who has been through cancer. I need a wider, broader perspective now that I am faced with what I must face.
The past few nights, in bed, I’ve really enjoyed waking up, just lying there in the dark using my vape for 5 minutes before I get up - I hope to continue this practice before dashing for my clothes because the room has gotten cold. I love waking up.
AA is the place to start for my spiritual journey - I have an old meeting I used to go to and sometimes run on Fridays. Although I no longer drink, neither does anyone who regularly attends meetings. Can’t quite believe I gave it 6 years of my life but to abandon it. It’s a great resource.
Each day I wake up I must tell myself, “I only have this day” and take it from there. I’ll do everything the hospital tells me to do, too.
Well, I’ve slept upon it and slept well. I had that wonderful 10 minute sleepy feeling before I arose and just lay there with my vaper. The news doesn’t seem quite as dreadful and alarmist as yesterday. Today shall be a day of taking stock, counting my blessings.
I’d appreciate some feedback although I recognise how difficult it might be for people to respond to this. I’m just going with the flow presently.
I’ve got a bone-marrow procedure on Thursday at 11, then chemotherapy starting again on the 6th at 9am both in Ward 1 - it’s all coming in a bit fast for me, but if I want to live I guess I have no choice. Nothing on the 5th, thank goodness.
I’ve already had to rearrange appointments (or trying to) with my G.P. as one fell on the 6th.
Wish I could just relax. There must come a time when the appointments or treatment isn’t worth the return - I’ve no way of knowing when. Plus I’ve got my affairs to put in order (should have done this years ago). At least writing things down here gives me a backup of my calendar.
Ffosse, I can fully understand how you feel, having been through cancer myself, but talking is good and that is why I have replied to your post.
I have a friend who has cancer that cannot be cured so, although she isn’t as healthy as she was, she is determined to enjoy the rest of her life…no matter how long she has. It is 2 years since they told her that she cannot be cured, but i have been our to lunch with her several times, we chat on the phone each week and , at Christmas, she got a new baby grandson.
I will tell you what I told her…
All of us are going to die one day, but we can’t spend our lives thinking about it because life is for living! We could be killed in an accident tomorrow, no matter how healthy we are, so we should all be thinking about what we would like to do before we die, rather than thinking about how long we have left.
You seemed much happier when you were in hospital, and you made friends there… so keep in touch with them. If you want to talk there are people on here that would be happy to talk to you. Ask at the hospital if there is any group that will talk with you, when you are feeling really down .
Please don’t think about the end of your life, consider what you want to do before that happens…and don’t forget, they are finding new treatments for cancer frequently these days and one day it may be a cure. That day could be next week, month or year… so ,please remain positive and be determined to still be here when that news arrives.
Keep smiling my friend.
Thanks for that, Twink55 - I need to keep things in perspective; although this is my second battle with cancer I think in some ways it would have been easier if I stayed in hospital, at least until my condition steadied somewhat. I hate that building but at least people were around. I certainly don’t have years left, this I know, from what they were telling me yesterday. If I could somehow reach 54 it would be a miracle.
But what quality of life would I have? There would and may come a time when one more gruelling chemotherapy course simply wouldn’t be worth it.
Then lets work towards achieving that miracle!:hug: The chemo may be able to shrink the tumour… that is what it is designed to do and, if it does, it extends your life expectancy.
My oncologist told me that my positive approach is what helped me survive, and he really believed that. I am not saying that your life will always be carefree and happy, because there will be some bad days… but lets try to make the majority of your time good. A few people, who are diagnosed as terminal, have actually survived :surprised:…and I would like to think that their positive mental attitude has contributed to that.
If a time comes where you feel the treatment is not worthwhile, then that will be your choice, but don’t give up till you feel that life has nothing more to offer!
Ffosse … at the outset I’ll say you have the right attitude. I admire and applaud you for it.
It’s not fatalist, but it is realistic and focused on you.
My mum had bowel cancer and one of her greatest regrets was that by the time she had a diagnosis her condition had reached the point where any benefit to her from any treatment was negligible … I’m sure she felt cheated. Cheated because she felt she hadn’t had time to pause … to enjoy the flowers … to order her inner calm, to just ‘be’ and enjoy the things she enjoyed doing… and she would never know if medical advances could have helped her. It is amazing what advances they are achieving nowadays.
Like you she was a spiritual person (though not in a orthodox religious way) and it gave her immense courage and strength which I also detect in you.
Have a hug from the pig. :hug:
You’re both right and I’m lucky the illness was spotted quickly even though the breakneck speed of events has overwhelmed me somewhat. I must focus more on what makes me happy and reflect on how lucky I’ve been so far.
Dreamy you are so positive.
Sorry I am useless today.
I have been unwell.
But you are in my prayers.