Is Bonhomie a thing of yesteryear?

How on earth can you make friends with them if you avoid eye contact and never say good morning !
You don’t have to become bosom buddies to exchange a few pleasantries :slightly_smiling_face:

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I agree. How do you ever meet anybody at all?
:man_shrugging:t2:

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Well, I’m getting a bit worried now! I wouldn’t want to be thought rude :scream:

You just meet people in general through life, don’t you, at work, hobbies, the pub….

But I don’t really think of going around saying good morning to total strangers, perhaps I should, but won’t they think I’m creepy and weird?

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I would never say good morning to a lone female for that reason.I’ve tried smiling but that only frightens them :grinning:Man or couples no problem.

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There doesn’t seem to be a one-size-fits-all solution for what to do for it depends on the precise circumstances. Yesterday morning I did just that. I was jogging at my lake and had reached my turn around point and wanted to take off my vest before running back when a woman passed by who’d been bathing in the lake. We were alone and it was the most natural thing for me to say good morning to her and she greeted back. I probably wouldn’t have seen a need to do so if we hadn’t been alone. My impression is that women appreciate a friendly greeting as it helps them to class a man as not being a potential threat to them.

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Yes I’ve noticed that in the past Dachs, sometimes when I pass a lone woman on the lane out in the country, I can tell by their body language that they are anxious, so I think a swift ‘good morning’ or a ‘hello’ seems to relieve the tension. And sometimes once they see you are not a threat, start a conversation. When I was running I avoided conversing to much, it interrupts your pace, but now I’m more pedestrian I don’t mind having a natter with anyone…
When you walk/run the same route you get to know the regulars and they open up a bit more.
:sunglasses:

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I agree, it’s rare I say hello to total strangers (I just smile if our eyes meet) but I wouldn’t class a neighbour as a total stranger. (Even if I’d never spoken to them before)
I was once on holiday in Spain and I seen somebody who I recognised from my home town. We’d never spoken before but it was a familiar face in an unfamiliar place. We instantly struck up a conversation.
Every time we see each other now we have a quick chat. Its strange how the unfamiliar setting had an effect on our attitudes to each other.

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I think that’s where we differ from Maree, because I live in a small village I see the same people most days, and if I don’t know a person my missus probably does having worked in the local shop and then the nursing home for many years. My Mum was a bus conductor for 45 years so it was not uncommon for her to meet people while abroad who recognised her…
London can be a lonely place even though it is densely populated.

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I’ve heard of people being desperately lonely in London, especially a few young people who came to London to go to Uni, I’ve fed and looked after quite a few lonely children of relatives and friends……

I think what it is, is that to protect ourselves from the pressure of trying to interact with so many, city dwellers tend to be tribal

I only really think of interacting, say good morning, chat etc with my own “tribe”

Family, friends, people I know well or interact with a lot at work, or local shops, husband’s mates and their wives, people like the postman, plumber etc

That’s why it strikes me as odd when a stranger, not in my tribe, says good morning or tries to chat, it makes me feel a bit threatened or under siege and I don’t “get” what they’re after

And I wouldn’t initiate a conversation with someone not in my tribe

Of course, once you get to know that stranger better, they can then become tribe!

Thinking about it, I can see it’s quite odd and not very friendly

Must try harder!

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It’s a very good explanation of why you do what you do though. I understand your reasoning. :+1:
I would have thought your next door neighbour would have been in your tribe though.

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I was brought up in a tenement then moved to housing estate then eventually moved to England in England I went down the pit , and down the pit you are a Yorkshire Miner. Wherever I go much to my son’s annoyance I will talk to anybody on any subject, People waiting to board an aircraft are generally quite tense, or relaxed as a newte I don’t drink if I’m travelling but I don’t need a drink to be able to talk and people seem relieved when you talk to them it’s similar with my neighbours on one side is a big house that lets out rooms another side it’s a young couple who don’t have a TV no computer I don’t even know if they have a mobile phones but they’re very nice and I always talk to them. even when I go to supermarket somebody will talk to me or I will talk to somebody but I find it’s always best to talk first break the ice you can live for years next door to somebody and never talk, now we’re all different but I couldn’t do that.
One of the main things that I enjoyed about Doncaster was the clubs at one point Doncaster and district had 365 clubs I doubt if there is a 100 today it just get too costly to drink the price of a packet of cigarettes and a couple of paints you could buy a bicycle it’s just got ridiculous.
Nowadays I spend half my life in Goa and the other half in Doncaster attending hospital lol, in Goa I find most of the people are like we used to be they enjoy talking to you people that you’ve never seen before will all say Good morning the Europeans don’t but the Indians do, There is one old guy here in Doncaster I see about three or four times a week I always say hello to him and he grunts I think I annoy him but to be honest I enjoy annoying him, it’s him that’s out of step So to those of you whose neighbours don’t comply don’t let that stop you from saying Good morning if you want to smell roses you have to plant them if you don’t plant them all you will get is weeds…

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City life is very different from seaside town life I think . More slower and same faces daily . Dog walkers always acknowledge each other don’t they . I hope I don’t come across as a busy body or nosey Parker, in fact I’m quite a quiet private person but I think a smile or a brief hello can brighten a person’s day .

I know a lovely lady , lived in her house 50odd years , semi detached on a housing estate, new neighbours moved in 20 odd years ago , my friend is in her eighties , the new neighbours have NEVER spoken to her or acknowledged her . This shocks me

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Perhaps you should get a dog Maree! I am a very private person but when I am out with my dog I seem to spend a greater part of the walk chatting to other dog walkers! I live in a village and most people say hello when they pass. Since I lost my husband last year some folks go out of their way to ask if I’m ok. A couple of people in my street have given their phone numbers to me in case I need anything - thank goodness I haven’t needed them so far but it’s reassuring to know they are there if anything happens.

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In my part of town (nowhere near the centre) the older folk do stop and talk, but the younger lot will do their best to ignore the older person and hurry off as though they’ve just encountered a lepper.

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I know I shouldn’t laugh but that last line made me laugh out loud :joy::joy::joy::joy:

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@Maree Hey Mary I was just wondering. If you bumped into your neighbour whilst out shopping would you acknowledge each other or just pretend you hadn’t seen each other?
Surely you’d have to say hello then?
If not that would feel really awkward. :grimacing:

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It depends

If it was a neighbour I know a bit, I’d smile and say hello, but I’d keep walking and wouldn’t stop for a chat or anything

If it was a neighbour I’ve never spoken to, one I just know by sight, I’d just walk by. If I haven’t ever engaged with them in our own street, why would they want to speak to me elsewhere?

Well you can’t say good morning to all of them, that would be very taxing :wink:

If find that if you’re since and confident 99% of the time you’re likely to get a smile and a courteous response… it’s about discretion :slightly_smiling_face:

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Where I live is not very multicultural Maree, I didn’t see a black person until I was 18 and going to college, and there was just this one lad from Jamaica called Lloyd. He was quiet but very friendly and had a good sense of humour. There still aren’t many black or foreign people in the village, but there are lots of eastern europeans in Doncaster itself and most are decent folk.
Sheffield is full of asian and black people but when I visit Sheffield, It matters not to me, what ever colour, religion or country they come from, I will make eye contact, and if they don’t turn away I will start a conversation with them. If they respond, they are in my tribe…

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Crikey do you live in the jungle with the head hunters ?
It’s good morning two words !:grinning:

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