Do you ever wonder how you come across to others?

[Muddy]

We are not in the general run of things a very endearing species hence the saying
The more I see of people the more I love my dog

[DianneWoollie]

Muddy I can feel that, as we put our Pets before anything else.

[pauline3]

[quote="Baz46, If others don’t accept us as we are then that’s their problem, we can only genuinely be the people we actually are.
[/quote]

I agree with this, I may also add, I am “ me” and not how how others want me to be,…if people don’t like me , I have no problem with that, I have to be “ true” to myself…which I am, I also love myself at last,

I also never take notice of what people have said about me, some can be very nasty and vindictive…I usually ignore them or avoid, I find that the best way.

[spitfire]

One has to consider what the “Others” are united in

[Twink55]

@Meg

If I was introduced to myself I think I would describe myself as ‘aloof’ particularly after 8 months of shielding.
I don’t know if I would want to be my friend , probably not

How can you say that Meg?
To me a friend is a person who cares, ao apart from the time you care for your family , I have always found you to be considerate and understanding. Friends aren’t always people you go out partying with, they are people who like you and care that you are Ok.

[Baz46]

@Baz46

If others don’t accept us as we are then that’s their problem, we can only genuinely be the people we actually are.

@pauline3

I agree with this, I may also add, I am “ me” and not how how others want me to be,…if people don’t like me , I have no problem with that, I have to be “ true” to myself…which I am, I also love myself at last,

I also never take notice of what people have said about me, some can be very nasty and vindictive…I usually ignore them or avoid, I find that the best way.

My upbringing taught me “liars have to have good memories so better to be always truthful”. That I believe applies to oneself in that ‘putting on a front’ (not being “me”) is in effect being untruthful, eventually you will not even know who you really are and neither will other people".

Edited to add:
Answer to Pauline3, apologies, the quotes have become just a little mixed!

[pauline3]

sorry, misunderstanding again.

[Baz46]

@pauline3

Yes, I understand about putting on a front to others, a family member of mine used to do just that.

You cannot be all things to all people, nobody can do that.
Just be yourself, that is how I see it.

[pauline3]

deleted,misunderstanding.

[Maree]

@Baz46

@Maree

I think I’d think I was more friendly and sociable than I really am and then not understand why a deeper friendship didn’t happen. I get that a lot

It’s because I’m extrovert on the outside and an introvert on the inside!

Does that mean you ‘put on a front’, many people do. If that is the case then you are not being the person you genuinely and really are. Maybe others see through that ‘front’?

Yes, I’m naturally quite shy and an introvert who prefers just being in a close, small circle of good friends and family. But over the years I’ve learned to put on an extrovert “front”, especially at work and in social situations where I can’t escape!

I don’t want to be unkind, stand offish, unfriendly or make people feel uncomfortable

People don’t see through it straight away and assume I’m a potential friend and up for social events, a bit of a laugh. I’m pretty good at having easy going relationships with acquaintances

But then they get confused when I make excuses to dodge invitations, don’t return phone calls or don’t let acquaintances move on to being friends

So if I met myself I’d probably think I was friendly and fun at first, and then wonder why this other me wasn’t responding to my invitations!

[pauline3]

You sound like a bit of a people pleaser would you say?
Why would they think those things of you, because you didn’t want to join in and that you’re shy, you are who you are, so imo, they should accept you as you are, we aren’t all the same are we?

I don’t understand you can’t escape, at your work , I seldom went to any events they held, I guess I’ve found my own identity and it’s ok to be me.i have been a people pleaser though in the past…if you aren’t true to yourself it can make you ill, well it did me.

[pauline3]

I deleted a few posts as I realised I completely misunderstood what being true to yourself means,imo.

As in family member, what I meant was, they had a face for indoors and a different one to outsiders.imo.

[Maree]

@pauline3

You sound like a bit of a people pleaser would you say?
Why would they think those things of you, because you didn’t want to join in and that you’re shy, you are who you are, so imo, they should accept you as you are, we aren’t all the same are we?

I don’t understand you can’t escape, at your work , I seldom went to any events they held, I guess I’ve found my own identity and it’s ok to be me.i have been a people pleaser though in the past…if you aren’t true to yourself it can make you ill, well it did me.

It’s not exactly people pleasing Pauline, it’s more a defensive shell I throw around me to keep them away from my real self and to protect my real self

If I let it drop I’d feel very vulnerable and in truth it serves me quite well. And being sociable does help your career

I can survive team meetings and events, meeting strangers and new social situations, training courses, after work birthday drinks and even the dreaded weddings! All without hurting anyone’s feelings or being unkind or making them feel awkward

And when they are over I can relax and go back home to be the real me with my real tribe who accept me as I am

[pauline3]

Ok, thanks for explaining I don’t understand where you are coming from,but that’s ok I don’t need to.
As long as you’re ok with it that’s all that matters.

[Baz46]

@pauline3

I deleted a few posts as I realised I completely misunderstood what being true to yourself means,imo.

As in family member, what I meant was, they had a face for indoors and a different one to outsiders.imo.

That’s OK, no problem.

[Artangel]

No l don’t wonder at all! I’m too busy thinking about more important things!

[carol]

@Artangel

No l don’t wonder at all! I’m too busy thinking about more important things!

Oh Art - what made you say that?

I think it’s a good thread & not deserving of sarcastic remarks like this.

[pauline3]

Like baking them cakes,

[RightNow]

This question isn’t on my list of things to wonder. I don’t reflect on how I am perceived by others, or want to change who I am or appear to be.
It has been said to me several times over the years that, no matter how long a person has known me but hasn’t interacted with me, they can count on me to be the same, and fun to be around.
I take that as a compliment.
I enjoy folks, focus on the positive, think first about serious matters before responding, and am dependable.
That’s about it. I’d rather focus on others.

[spitfire]

Have others thought how they come across to you, especially if mob handed.