Not one of my usual posts today, something entirely different …
I lost my Mum about 2 years ago. It was very sudden and quite traumatic for me and my sister, but never-the-less we got through it and have moved on and learned to cope with life without her.
Or so I thought…
Last night, me and Mrs Bread went to bed as usual at about ten just after watching the football and a bit of news. There was nothing particular on my mind that made me think of my mum but I soon dozed off and fell asleep. I had the most vivid dream ever and it was just as real as you can get … I dreamed I was back where I grew up in Stockton-on-Tees and I was with my mum, showing her all the shops and places on the High Street, reminiscing about how Roberts Fish Bar was still there after all these years and where the old cinema used to me, the ice creams we used to get from Pacitto’s and how Debenhams had changed etc. All the time we were walking around, I had my arm round my mums shoulders and was pointing out these places, talking to her but the weird thing is that all this time, my mum just smiled and nodded, not saying a word.
I then pointed out the old music shop where I spent hours each weekend as a kid and then as I looked down I had noticed my mum had disappeared, she must have just wandered off or something. Not once did I think I was dreaming, I just panicked and, in my dream I ran off looking for her, it was like everything whizzing past in fast forward, going in and out of every shop, remembering every one of them, even the names of people who worked there as if I was back in 1985 or something. Eventually I saw her sitting on a park bench in Ropner Park, another place we used to visit often both when I was little and in more recent years. I ran over to her and sat down, putting my arm round her and telling her I had been looking all over for her and I was worried because I couldn’t find her. Then she turned and looked at me and said “I’m here, I’ve always been here”, and then just disappeared.
Dunno what it means, maybe something spiritual, maybe just a silly old dream, but I woke up crying my eyes out which is something I’ve never done for about 30 years.
I do think about my Mum all the time, who passed away 5 years ago, I always say hello to her photo on my wall every morning and I| say good morning to my Cat Coco every morning.
Occasionally i might dream of a loved one who has passed away, but i haven’t been thinking of them. Perhaps you’re trying to keep the memories fresh in your mind and not to forget her. Have you got any pictures of your mom around you? I’ve got a couple of my mom who passed away a very long time ago and I still think of her and my dad.
My dad went suddenly and my mom went 2 years after, after a few months illness.
I have vivid dreams about family members who have died,i find it comforting.
One dream was my mom holding my hand and telling me that “im fine love,honestly”.
I woke up crying my eyes out and it stayed with me for ages.
Yes I call them visitation dreams , you never forget them ever. A dream fades , not these visitation dreams . My last was with my brother who came into a room I was in , I said " but Mike your dead" then went and hugged him . Another my mum came, I was walking the corridors of a hospital , mum walked right through the two closed push pull doors , she hugged me , I said " wow mum how did you manage to walk through those doors ", she smiled, and said she had to go . I’ve been visited twice by my dogs who sat on my chest . I could smell them , feel them ,solid yet no weight on me . I trust them to be real because they are still who they once were but no longer live in this world
I was fascinated to read your post, Bread, because I grew up in the same town and have many memories of the same places as you.
I don’t dream about my Mum much when I’m asleep but I experience lots of odd moments when I’m awake, when I could swear I can hear her distinctive step in the hallway, moving from one room to another and I sometimes I hear her call my name or say something to me. It sounds so much like my Mum’s voice when I hear it.
I live in the house my Mum lived in for the last 35 years of her life. I moved in to look after her when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness 15 years ago and she died 2 years later but I feel she is still here, in a way.
I don’t believe in “ghosts” as such but maybe my own mind is “hearing” her as a kind of “daydream”, in a similar way as our brains provide our dreams during sleep.
I have heard my big brother speaking to me a few times too, while I am awake. Usually when I’m away from home and in unfamiliar places.
He was killed on military service nearly 50 years ago but my mind still conjures up his voice - usually warning me to be careful when I’m doing something reckless!
I think that those really alive are “over there”, before something subjects us to the cruelty of life imprisonment, here, in these mobile cadavers. Over there, we live our real lives! Over here, we’re the only truly dead ones in the equation!
Yes, I’ve had dreams about lost loved ones: they’re blissful and reassuring, but…cruel, at the same time, because we must wake from them!
