[B][CENTER]115
Crusty Helps to Save His Bel
(and Keeps a Rattler at Bay as Well!)[/CENTER][/B]
With bellies full and horse rested they once again set off on their travels journeying north to Jacksonville then west into Clarksville, all of which took a good few days, and when they were in close proximity to Mount Ida Crusty got a fright to top all frights.
Pegasus had left Jenny with a sad and tearful goodbye knowing that they’d never see each other again, and the old horse felt depressed. He really needed something to cheer him up, but what could just a good old boy do apart from pull an ancient wagon with two wacky passengers?
They were travelling down the dusty road of the prairie passing huge cacti with enormous steels, and Crusty was asleep with his mouth wide open, snorting his head off, when suddenly Bel spotted men on horses flanking the top of a steep hill about half a mile away. When they got a little nearer, Bel could see that they were approaching a film set and the men on horseback were supposed to be a tribe of Sioux natives in full battledress.
She stopped the wagon to watch, and all the horses and men galloped full pelt down the hill but the Director wasn’t satisfied because one daft bugger fell off his horse so he called for a re-take. They slowly rode their horses to the top of the hill again, with a blistering sun beating down on their heads.
Crusty slumbered on, slumped down on the bench seat, even when Pegasus was brought to a halt. A fly buzzed around his nose and he kept batting it away in sleep.
“Ger’off? Mnyam, mnyam!”
It was so beautiful and peaceful where they were, and Bel decided they may as well make camp and give the horse a rest for an hour or so. She sat for a little while and thought about what to cook them for their supper that evening. For now though she was desperately thirsty.
She got into the back of the wagon to get some bottles of pop for her and Crusty, and while she was gone one of Crusty’s eyes woke up.
“Mnyam, mnyam-yam. Weer amma?”
He rubbed the sleep out of his eye squinting and smacked his toothless gums noisily, then looked around him to see where he was. That was when he spotted them and both his eyes bobbed out of his head as he noticed the whole of the Sioux Nation galloping down the hill towards him and his Bel.
"Am bluddy hung …! Aaaargh! We’re being attacked Bel! Bel, Bel, where are ya Bel? Help me Bel!"
“Stop yer bluddy squawkin’! I’m only in’t back o’t wagon gerrin us some bottles o’ …!”
[B][I]“We’ll have’t see if we can out-run 'em Bel. Howld on to yer britches owd lass! Your Crusty’ll save ya!”
“Worra ya goin’ on about ya daft owd …!”[/I][/B]
Just then the wagon shuddered and she fell on her arse with a bump in the back. Crusty had taken the reins, lashed the horse from his seat with his tongue and it took off like a bolt of lightning towards the oncoming horses. They were going at full gallop and the wagon was bumping over stones and small boulders and because of all the bumping about, Bel couldn’t get up.
With his tongue dangling out at full stretch, toothless mouth pulled into a grimace and that bloody lop-sided hat with the brim turned up at the front he favvered Walter Brennan in a very bad old movie.
On feeling the lash from Crusty’s tongue the old horse’s eyes had lit up, its head went down and ears went back. He hadn’t done this for years and he was going like the clappers. Suddenly, he was a young colt again.
Poor old Crusty.
Fearful, Bel managed to get to her knees and crawled along the length of the wagon and back up into the driver’s seat. She snatched the Winchester back off Crusty who was trying to work out how to shoot it, keep his hat on and hold onto the reins at the same time without falling off the wagon.
Then, like a pioneer woman of the Old West she grabbed the reins off Crusty and tried to halt the old horse who was still galloping along, enjoying itself for the first time in years with its tongue dangling out, lungs bellowing and a happy smile on its face. He might have been getting on in years but he was still as strong as a bull.
The “tribe” of about a hundred horsemen saw that the old covered wagon was in trouble, so they started to ride to its rescue and Crusty, not realising that they were just extras in a film, was beside himself with fear seeing all those Wild Native persons wearing war paint coming towards him and his Bel, and he started farting again.
Paaarip, paaarip, paaarip, plobble, blobble, schmumph!
“Ya smelly owd mogwump! Try an’ behave while I’m trying’t concentrate!”
The Sioux posse reached them quickly and rode past the team, then turned their horses around and went full gallop in pursuit of the runaway wagon, so now they were all riding the same way, some of them up alongside the wagon and trying to carefully and safely reach the old horse to pull him in, but he was much bigger and stronger than the film set horses.
With her old clay pipe clenched tightly between her teeth, Bel was valiantly trying to rein in the horse, but the old lad was having a whale of a time and didn’t want to stop.
“Whoa there boy, whoa Pegasus! STOP YA DIM WITTED, KNACKERED OWD NOSE-BAG! STOP, I SAID, Y’OWD NAG!”
But the horse wouldn’t stop and they were quickly approaching a deep river!
[B][I]“Bel, Bel, they’re! after us Bel. Form a circle Bel! That’s wot they do in’t cowboy films.”
“Ya wot? How canna form a bluddy circle wi’ only one wagon ya demented owd fart! Just look at the bluddy trouble ya’ve gor’us in now!”[/I][/B]
Crusty was clinging wildly onto his seat trying hard not to go tumbling over the side, he had his eyes tight shut and his hat was bobbing up and down on his head, thanks to the elastic under his chin.
There was only one thing she could do to stop the runaway horse, so Bel carefully balanced herself then managed to jump from the bench seat and, flying through the air, she landed on the poor bugger’s back, all nineteen stones of her, then she started throttling it using a double nelson. It slowed down, its knees buckled, then it wearily sunk to the ground under her weight, its eyes and tongue popping out.
“Neh then, that’s stopped thi’ in thi’ tracks! That’s clipped thi’ bluddy wings for ya y’owd sod! I’ll have thee for’t bluddy chewy factory if tha’ does thar’again! Neh we know why they named ya Pegasus - tha’ can fly when tha’ wants!”
The horse shakily got back up on its feet and the horsemen, who by now had surrounded them, hung about to make sure they were all okay.
“Sorry Bel. Havva done summat bad again? I thowt we could outride 'em but they’ve getten us now.”
She glared at him.
[B][I]“How could we possibly hope to bluddy well outrun a hundred young, fit, horses wi’ one owd wagon an’ a bluddy horse that’s as owd as Methuselah, even if he can go like the wind?”
Paaarip, drizzle, seep, brrrrip![/I][/B]
Crusty was still quaking.
“Wot d’ya think they’re goin’t do at us Bel?”
“Nowt compared wi’ wot I’m goin’t do at YOU ya stinkin’ owd sod!”
Just then Old Yeller Hair himself, General George A Custard, rode up alongside and one of the “Wild Natives” crawled expertly up the side of the wagon. He was a film stunt man and he’d seen everything that had happened. Crusty ducked down behind his Bel, taking cover.
“Are you okay ma’am? I’ve checked the horse and he’s recovering okay. He’s a bit dazed and he sure is gittin’ on a bit, but you’ll be fine to carry on in an hour or so and luckily the wagon’s still in good condition.”
“Aye we’re alreet lad, ta very much. It were that daft owd sod there that started the commotion. He thought you were all goin’t attack us!”
The man laughed and patted Crusty’s right shoulder and out flirted his ham and piccalilli barm cake.
“I tell you what ma’am, you sure pulled some mighty fancy moves there with the horse and wagon and all! Have you ever done any other stunts before?”
“Listen lad, if you had to pur’up with this owd fart here all’t time like I do ya’d have to learn very quickly how’t pull a few stunts!”
Crusty opened one eye then he scuttled into the back of the wagon and brought out a bottle of whisky which Bel had brought with her.
“Si thi! If ya leaves us alone and don’t scalp us I’ll give yer a bockle o’ fire water for you and yer mates!”
Bonk!!
“Ouch, thar’urt!”
“Don’t be so bluddy daft Crusty. They’re not goin’t tek our scalps, are ya not lads?”
“Are they not real live Indian people then Bel?”
Slow as a slug!
“No Crusty. They’re actors making a film about the life of Sitting Bull! They’re re-making thar’owd film, The Battle of the Little Creamhorn an’a hope its a bit more realistic than’t first 'un that got made!”
He tapped his hearing aid again.
“Eh? Did ya say Sh!tting Bull Bel, only I think I need a new battery for me hearing aid!”
She sniffed up then handed him the spade.
) and the rattler.
