Anhedonia (A Depression Condition)

Health & Diet Health & Diet: Chat / Discussions
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Hello.

Last year, I was diagnosed with anhedonia…a really terrible element of a very strong depression. Basically, it means that my brain’s reward centre is out of touch with the rest of my brain. How that manifests itself in my life is pretty awful: I have no ability to feel pleasure/enjoyement/reward! So, I’ve gone from having 17 hobbies / pastimes / enjoyments / interests…to having none at all.

The way I usually describe it is: Ian died last year. I’m just Ian’s ghost, haunting the house he used to live in. I move around like a spectral detective, seeing clues…evidence of what Ian used to do, but knowing that I can’t understand why he did them - they mean nothing at all to me! I have no feeling, at all!

I know Ian watched movies, because there are around 800 of them in the house. I know Ian listened to music because of the music CDs lying around.

I know Ian read books because some books in the living room have bookmarks in them.

I know Ian wrote a diary, because I found one.

I know Ian loved photography - I’ve no idea why.

The probably saddest one is…I also know that Ian was a Christian, because I found a small wooden holding cross in his bed when I came home from the hospital that did this to me…or him!

So, I’m curious…do any of you suffer from anhedonia?

Signed: “Ian’s Ghost.”

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At least you had a start point for the regression!

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I don’t suffer from this but for many years I was with someone who had a nervous breakdown and developed psychotic depression which manifested in a very similar way to what you have described. I could fix everything in his life but it changed nothing in the way he saw his former life as though he had died and left it. The only positive feedback I had was to hear that I made him feel that my presence gave him temporary relief and moments of colour and life. (this he relayed to a multi disciplinary meeting at which I was present)

I’m sorry you’re going through this but I became convinced that is it a change in brain wiring that neurologists don’t really understand and psychiatrists refuse to even entertain.

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Bet loads of people would be interested in hearing what might have been in that - might help you reconnect with your former self too.

You might also want to have a look at the GAPS book - it stands for the Gut And Psychology Syndrome and is all about the connection of food (and all the crap in it) to mental health:

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Reading was one of the casualties of the anhedonia. I know Ian read books because there are some books on shelves, some with pencil marks in the margins and some with bookmarks in them, still. But, If I open a book, all I see are words that mean nothing to me…not dyslexically, but…reading them means nothing to me, in my current state.

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Not meaning to be intrusive … but does joining here and seeking new friends bring a little sense of excitment or anticipation of where it might lead for you ? Perhaps reawaken old hobbies and interests or spark new ones.

Don’t answer if I’m too intrusive and personal , it just struck me that it might have felt a big step for you to join and speak to us.

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I thank you for your question - a very pertinent and well aimed question. My background depression is what I call the DSN, which is the “Depression Strength Number”. That is not to be mistaken for mood, which is very different. The DSN is currently at 5/10. Severe depression would be 7 or 8 - 9/10 doesn’t bear thinking about. I’ve noticed that human contact is able to change that number for the better, but it can take lots of contact and around 6-8 before I feel the influence move that number.

When I re-joined, here, something in me might have sensed that there would be human contact poential, but I didn’t want to use my old username - its E Mail address is inaccessible to me, now, and a new start seemed called for. It may be that I am right about being here, and human contact. While feeling nothing, it’s not certain that anything helps, but I’m hoping that it does, as time goes by.

What I have effectively lost are…

01. Watching movies. 02. Listening to music. 03. Writing a diary. 04. Reading non-fiction books. 05. Eating chocolate (I tried to force this back, before Xmas and failed, miserably). 06. Smoking (No great loss). 07. Weight training. 08. Running forums, sites and Facebook groups. 09. Collecting edged/bladed weapons. 10. Car racing game (Gran Turismo) on the PlayStation. 11. Playing chess against online computers. 12. Doing Codeword puzzles, online. 13. Photography. 14. My Faith (the most horrible one of all). 15. Collecting men’s Satin shirts (seriously). 16. (Not so bad.) Late Summer Evening Long Walks.

The only one that has survived is…the long, Summer evening walks - at around 10pm, although I’ve been on none of those, yet, this year…I live in hope. But, anhedonia fell asleep last year, and I went on NINE of those walks, each an hour long and I loved them. So, outside that, my hope is close to zero, until/unless something changes. After 55 years of mental health trouble, this is the worst that I’ve ever been.

It can’t be treated medicinally: Due to kidney troubles, I can’t increase my anti-depressant, add any other anti-depressant or switch to another anti-depressant.

Thank you for asking. This is a most awful condition to have to suffer.

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That is a very good reply Morty. My music workshop combined with my engineering workshop projects and assisting a much younger generation, keep both my mind and body active. I have been around for 86+yrs, but I do not allow my advancing years win over the inner me :+1:

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It does get harder as you get older to keep up the same momentum and drive doesn’t it. On the otherhand your interests and projects require a bit of self-discipline too … so the benefits aren’t just in what you create but in the actual process of creating it. It must be very absorbing.
did that make sense? It sounded a bit glib and trite.

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Wow … that sounds quite a few interests and hobbies … did you put them in order of the importance of what they had meant to you or just as they came to mind?
I have to say, if you don’t mind, that they are also pretty solitary hobbies too.

The summer evening walks actually sound quite nice … handy too if you could re-ignite your interest in photography and compile a journal of your walks …
I’m curious … how many satin shirts have you collected ?

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My walks tend to be at around 10pm, at night. I like it around then. My agoraphobia keeps me in during the day time hours. At night, I’m fine, though.

The shirts currently number around 120, believe it or not. They are my first love, in fact. The photos of them are incredible - that’s because the shirts are, come to think of it.

Each shirt, once out of its packaging undergoes more than 3.5 hours of ironing on 2 boards, with 2 irons and lots of attachments and gadgets, including (believe it or not) heated silver teaspoons (which can go where irons cannot). My ironing board is taller than I am and I’m 6 feet and 2 inches tall. I’ve been collecting the shirts since around 1982, when a former girlfriend began to make them on her sewing machine. They are truly my pride and joy. I wish we could post photographs, in fact. I’d put some up.

My all time favourites are around 8 different shades of silver-down-to-dark-grey. They have to be seen to be believed. Only around 5 or 6 of them ever get worn. They’re for collecting…not wearing. In the front bedroom, alone, there are 4 wardrobes full of them.

I wish you could see them, good Lady!

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Hi

A brilliant post Morti, what I have come to expect from you.

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Ian … when you post a reply look along the row of symbols above the box. One of them, the 7th from the left allows you to upload an image straight from your computer and add it to your post.

I’d love to see some of your shirts if you’d like to share them.

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You big softie … flattery will get you everywhere. :pig:

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I think I might have messed up the upload of the photos. I’ll try again, later or tomorrow.

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your satin shirts were on here yesterday in full multicolour glory. Perhaps they were so shiny and sleek that they slipped away…!

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So, I did get the upload right. Thanks, for that, AnnieS.

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@Morticia - I hope this works. AnnieS said that she saw them, so it must’ve worked, last night, after all. I’ve uploaded them again, anyway.

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Goodness … and you’ve four wardrobes full. Tell me you wear them.

What about ties? Do you collect them too?

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They’re essentially only a collection, but I do wear around half a dozen of them, for special occasions, only (those are strange occasions, too). Mostly, the white and some of the Silvers, and one black one.

When you buy the shirts, you get a tie with every one, these days, so…I have a lot of the matching ties, still, but I very rarely wear a tie. That collection is one of the things that, within me, actually died and, right now, they mean close to nothing to me.

I’m hoping that’s another thing that will change with the psychotherapy that I begin on May 5th (Behavioural Activation).