Humourous.
CREEPY scary for sure.
Thanks. Yes it tends to use horror in a more “what do YOU think happened?” way than throwing gore and blood in your face. Always better, I feel, though I have written stories that do the literal horror thing. I do feel something that’s hinted at and leaves you to make up your own mind is scarier than laying it all out in front of the reader. Example of the latter:
The thing that stood before her was surely not human, at least, not in any way that mattered any more. Blood, brains and gore leaked out of the shattered skull, yet eyes from which life should have long fled stared at her with malevolent purpose…
Example of the former:
Moving quietly, carefully, she reached the top of the stairs and squinted into the darkness. What she saw made her catch her breath, take one step back in horror. She realised the discarded rollerskate was there only as she stepped on it and, arms flailing for purchase, pitched forward into the dark, down into the waiting arms of the spectre at the bottom of the stairs.
It is an example, however, also, of how for me, my stories can always be improved. I realise now that Carsten, having gone through such an ordeal, would not be grumping. It’s the wrong word, too bland. Maybe grunted or grated, or even shivered might be better. Oh well.
I once read that after having written your story, poem, novel, put it away for a week or so, then go back and read it over. Do not sent it off before then. That’s when you’re likely to find there are parts that need improving. I’ve made that mistake–sent off writings before setting them aside for a while, then read over. I have posted (mostly humorous) story poems about experiences with having the neurological disorder Essential Tremor that I’m now embarrassed about. I can’t get to them on the E T forum to revise. An Aussie woman acquaintance & man mailed a plaque to me praising my poetry.
By the way, I try to use as few words as possible to keep my story going more quickly, which can make it tougher to come up with an exact descriptive word for what’s going on.
I’m the very opposite. Never shut up, never use one word where 100 will do. I tend to expand my narrative, often too much, but I really enjoy writing and it’s hard to cut stuff out, though I often do. I learned a certain amount of discipline through forums where you’re challenged to write a story on a topic in less than 70, 100 or 1000 words. You really get to see what’s extraneous, and how to say things in other ways that use less words. Another example of one of those would be this one, where we were given certain words (five, I think) to use in the story, still keeping it down to 100 words. I struggled with the last word, champion, till I came up with this.
If the hat fits…
(94 words)
Elsie has never been inside the tiny shop; it’s well hidden, and for good reason.
She enters, old bones creaking.
Eventually the shopkeeper looks up.
“Help you, grandma?” Not a trace of Yorkshire in his accent.
“I’m after a… special hat?”
Shopkeeper nods.
“Expensive,” he warns her. “You can pay?”
She nods. “My life savings.”
She takes the hat, puts it on.
Dizzy. Disoriented. Someone reaches out to steady her.
“All right, lass?”
Elsie looks down at her nineteen-year old body.
“Oh aye, lad,” she smiles, “I’m champion, me.”
Elsie entered the tiny, strange hidden shop.
Bones, old, creaking.
The shopkeeper craftily looks up.
“Help you, grandma?” he asks, lacking Yorkshire accent.
“I’m after a… special hat?”
Shopkeeper nods.
“Expensive,” he warns. “You can pay?”
She nods. “Life savings.”
She puts on the hat.
Becomes dizzy. Disoriented. He steadys her.
“All right, lass?”
Elsie looks down at her nineteen-year old body.
“Aye, lad,” she smiles, “I’m champion! See?”