I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve seen it so many times on tv. Cutting into real flesh. Yow! I couldn’t do it. So much margin for catastrophic error, although the person is already dying so options are limited.
There was a scene on New Amsterdam where the wife had to do the procedure on her doctor husband while another doctor talked her through it on the phone. I wondered how she could do that.
From 1961 - once seen, I never forgot it - how to perform a tracheotomy with a biro.
Armchair Theatre: “The Man Out There” Season 4, Episode 27. Air Date - March 12, 1961. Storyline - A Russian astronaut trapped in space in a faulty rocket, has five hours to live when his radio makes contact with Marie, a hunter’s wife also trapped, in a blizzard swept area of Canada. Her daughter is dying of diphtheria, he as a doctor can help her.
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The first manned space flight was on 12th April 1961, a month AFTER this was aired.
Naturally, production values are primitive by today’s standards (IIRC, it was transmitted “live” but this episode was stand-out for its time amongst the many other gems of “Armchair Theatre”)
The title gives it away – bringing the best of theatre into your living room on a weekly basis, it lasted for an incredible 457 episodes over twenty four years. From 1956 through to 1980 – unexpectedly giving birth to several spin-off series as it went – it was one of the finest achievements of UK commercial television.
Hi
Yes, I started work as a Pupil Public Health Inspector, working for the Medical Officer of Health.
It is a job which no longer exists after the reorganisation of the NHS.
I worked with the Coroner, Health Visitors Midwives Etc.
It was the Cold War, so one option was to have some medical training in case of emergencies.
It was very basic and concentrated on emergency assistance in the absence of the professionals.
The newer version of this is the Combat Medical Training.
The more morbid, but essential side of the job was the disposal of the dead, mass graves, and exhumations.
This was the start of a weird life.
Well, yes, of course I could do it if someone was dying, I’m good in a crisis
I’d poop myself when it was all over, though 
Do any of you remember that very old Jane Fonda film, the Dollmaker?
She saves her son’s life by doing a tracheotomy with her penknife, then whittling a tube for him to breathe through!
St John Ambulance have seen it done successfully with a straw and stanley knife, a vertical incision to avoid carotid artery.
I would be terrified. What if you hit the voice box?
Well, yes, it would be terrifying but if someone was dying?
they might sue you if they live. This is the danger of amateur life saving. Our first aider course pretty much said don’t do anything, leave it to the professionals. Even the Heimlich has led to court cases.
My memory is faulty … 
In fact Marie, the lady, performs the tracheotomy with a meat skewer pushed through a goose quill, both previously sterilised in whiskey … 
Yes, the last first aid course I went on really emphasised that the first thing you do is phone for help, then into the recovery position and just try to keep them comfortable and provide reassurance until help arrives
It’s quite rare, isn’t it, to need to do anything else, thank goodness
I don’t think I would risk attempting it as there are too many parts that could be nicked on the way in.
I wouldn’t have a clue how to do the procedure but even if I did how would I know it was that procedure that was needed? People collapse for a whole myriad of reasons.
Easy-peasy … 
Ah, silly me. I was getting the procedure mixed up with the one you do when air enters the chest cavity due to a punctured lung. 
Oh my gawd, please don’t get mixed up when you’re doing my trachetomy!
I’ll try not too but I can’t promise anything.
Hi
I don’t get this suing culture we have nowadays.
Because of the greed of the legal people, the injured are being left to die when they could possibly have lived.
There are an awful lot of stabbings here in the UK and ambulances can take a long time to arrive.
I don’t get out much nowadays, but whenever I do have a couple of military bandages with me.
Just wack them over the wound,wind tight and they can save lives until the experts arrive.
I would much rather do something than nothing.
I couldn’t do nothing, I’d have to try
But I am going to sue Mad-Ralph when he punctures the wrong thing 
They advise not to put on tourniquets nowadays because it leads to loss of limbs. You are not supposed to remove any embedded objects including glass, just gently wrap around with a dressing. Removing the object can cause internal damage and potentially deadly haemorrhage. You are advised not to lift a heavy object such as an item of furniture off a casualty as this can cause further damage (and release of toxic gasses) inside the body. They show you the heimlich but tell you the risk of serious damage too. CPR is allowed and is hard enough but you really need a defib to save a life and who would know where to find one in an emergency. It’s very difficult to navigate the rules beyond ensuring someone is in the right position, isn’t moved, airways free, so they aren’t vomiting, CPR if you can before the professionals arrive.
The rules also change so you have to do a refresh of these courses every few years.
Hi
That may be, however we were given these to use when out working.
I could not just watch someone bleeding to death.
I do not know what things are like near you, but around here ambulances regularly do not arrive for hours even for emergencies.
They are stuck outside hospitals with patients in them.
