Some funnies for today 1

General Chat Just For Fun!
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When they were handing out noses, I thought they said roses, so I asked for a big red one.

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why are men brainier when having sex? it is because they are plugged into a genius

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from a pal of mine

I admit the last fight I had with the wife my fault, she asked ‘what’s on the telly’ and I said dust

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back on your side

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, it’s because she changed it so often

I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty years and if the wife finds out she’ll kill me

Why does a woman work for ten years to change a man’s habits and then moan he’s not the same man she married

I had bad luck with both my wives, the first one left me and the second one didn’t

The night of our honeymoon my husband took one look and said is that all for me
Dolly Parton

I’m not bald! My head is just a solar panel for my sex machine
Telly Savalas

Of course I believe in safe sex, I have a handrail around my bed

I don’t think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance
Frank Carson

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Fact not fiction :rofl:

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:grinning: It’s the way he tells them.

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**A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending.

It means “against expectations” in Greek.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma

There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn’t find any

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind

A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and I don’t care.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

Need an ark?

I Noah guy.

You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

He was lucky it was a soft drink.

To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.

Thanks for nothing!

Son: “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” Dad: "No sun.”**

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