When they were handing out noses, I thought they said roses, so I asked for a big red one.
why are men brainier when having sex? it is because they are plugged into a genius
from a pal of mine
I admit the last fight I had with the wife my fault, she asked âwhatâs on the tellyâ and I said dust
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back on your side
A womanâs mind is cleaner than a manâs, itâs because she changed it so often
Iâve been in love with the same woman for forty years and if the wife finds out sheâll kill me
Why does a woman work for ten years to change a manâs habits and then moan heâs not the same man she married
I had bad luck with both my wives, the first one left me and the second one didnât
The night of our honeymoon my husband took one look and said is that all for me
Dolly Parton
Iâm not bald! My head is just a solar panel for my sex machine
Telly Savalas
Of course I believe in safe sex, I have a handrail around my bed
I donât think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance
Frank Carson
Fact not fiction
Itâs the way he tells them.
**A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending.
It means âagainst expectationsâ in Greek.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
Whatâs the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma
Thereâs no menu - you get what you deserve.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldnât find any
What do you call a bee that canât make up its mind
A maybe.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Is it ignorance or apathy thatâs destroying the world today? I donât know and I donât care.
I wasnât originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Which countryâs capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day itâs Dublin.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: âThatâs the last thing I need!â
Need an ark?
I Noah guy.
Youâre not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, Iâm okay.
Donât spell part backwards. Itâs a trap.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.
Thanks for nothing!
Son: âDad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?â Dad: "No sun.â**