Robert’s Poems Part 1
Two very different aspects on life there …
Good words …
Hello Robert …
Thankyou PatCG & hello.
A stick insects sticky END.
A Stick insect makes an uncommon pet
Six inches long is as big as they get
They are hard to spot in their homely privet
But they wont eat anything else you give it
I don’t really know what they are for
They breed so fast you keep getting more
Their tiny babies are ultra slim
Escaping from the cage you put them in
I had a skinny one, Twiggy was it’s name
A boy or a girl? they all look the same
I fed it up until it was round and fat
Quite a good job, I can say that a fact
I decided that it needed a spiritual mentor
Instead my choice proved a big tormentor
A praying mantis wasn’t a good choice
Then I heard a buzzing sort of moise
Twiggy was a girl and had laid her eggs
The praying mantis was eating her legs
Just as the last of the eggs was born
Poor Twiggy’s whole body had completely gorn.
For an encore the mantis slurped up her brood
Showing no manners, how extremely rude
The moral of this story is fairly clear
If you have a mantis get your sticks out of ‘ere
Fast.
I have been in here for nearly a year
I have had a lot of fun
I try to keep up with my chums everyone
But they’re scattered all over the shop
I know not who’ll pop up where or when
So I don’t know just where to stop
So I’ll press on and deposit my finely honed wit
And throw in pearls of wisdom
I hope you’ll all understand that’s it
My tries at contributing to the system.
Poem in response to a friend who is strictly meat & two veg,
Harry dear boy, you’re quite extraordinary
When young, I had a takeaway next door to me
HOw have you ,in your long long life
KEpt to food requiring a fork & knife
MY mum was the same, bless her heart
Nothing but meat & two veg, right from the start
LIver and onions, bubble & squeak too
EAt it up son , it’ll put hairs on you
BEef , shepherds pie. pasties too
THere was nowt that she couldnt do
COOking English fare , she wouldnt depart
BUt it left us all with propensity to fart.
Love them all Robert, keep them coming! 
It’s been a while since I posted so here is one of my recent pieces.
[B][CENTER][B][FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]
Las Vegas here I come.
[B]The residents are having a trist
Now Nanette has taken up whist
She lured them in
With an innocent grin
Then won and they all hissed
What happened to dear Nanette demure
She who’d never played before
With a splendid shuffle
Whilst nibbling a truffle
Said “Shall we play some more?”[/CENTER][/B]
The ladies were on their guard
Had a meeting in the yard
Keep secret our meeting
Our time will be fleeting
There now that shouldn’t be hard
Nanette found a competitive streak
Was determined her ladies to meet
“I’ll let them win
And they’ll let me back in
And go back to being sweet[/FONT][/B]
© RJ 2013[/B]
[CENTER]TINNITUS
When I go to bed
Full is my head
Of whistling and hooting
Sis shooters shooting
Kettles all boiling
Nurse Gillian snoring
Tinnitus is its name
Every night is the same
Tonic water is good
But I don’t think I should
Put in so much gin
It’s a habit I’m in
I’d change it to whisky
But it makes my limbs frisky
And they wave all about
Giving Gillian big clouts[/CENTER]
[CENTER]THREE SYLLABLES
Woke up late
After eight
not the mints
But succinct
All the same
It’s a game
Life that is
Piece off piss
Some good days
Do amaze
Others stink
S’wot I think
Anyway
Lets make hay
While sun shines
No more whines
Give best shot
thats my lot
Bring it on[/CENTER]
RJ - you done it again - FAB ! …
Loved all three !
Well done Robert
Brilliant!
They are very good, I really like reading them.
parodies of nursery rhymes…
Jack & Jill went up the hill
They said it was for water
Jill got more than she bargained for
Nine months later she had a daughter.
Ride a cock horse to Banbury cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horse
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She has plenty of offers wherever she goes
Hey diddle diddle, MPs on the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little trough hogs thought it such fun
Cos their malpractices have again begun
Kind of nice, kind of nice
See media spun, see media spun
Did you ever see such a thing in your life
Celebs caught in bed ,and not with their wife
Who cut off their todger with carving knife
Not so nice not so nice
Twinkle twinkle, can’t go far
How I wonder if loo’s too far
Holding water , my oh my
Will I make the loo in time
© RJ 2013
[CENTER][B]AFTER WE ARE DEAD
After we’re dead, where do we go?
I read the Bible, so I should know
Safe in Jesus arms, some find comfort in this
In heaven is healing, blessings & bliss
Gone to be with mum, or granny or dad
It was a jolly good life they, all of them, had.
If heaven’s so great
Why the long wait
Why put us through these trials & tribulations
Why all the fighting amongst the nations.
Death is the last challenge in our brief lives
We do not know when the end will arrive
But come it must
In God we trust
All will be explained in His own good time
When we cross the sea , Jacobs ladder to climb
where a new life awaits with no fear or pain
Where all is perfect and Goodness reigns.[/B][/CENTER]
© RJ 2013
[B]What my soul is wrong with me
Where has gone my ecstasy
The sins of the fathers has fallen on me
Real anguish and hurts it was destined to be
My soul is in torment ,for me there’s no rest
For each one of us there’s test after test
God allows
There’s no escaping the dark one’s fury
He takes on the role of the judge and the jury
[CENTER][/CENTER][/B]
© RJ 2013
[CENTER][B]I hate cabbage
That bugs have ravaged
Its dark and horrible
Its not possible
To eat unless boiled
It’s wee soiled
From countless
Creepy crawlies
Can’t someone make
It taste like cake
Then I’m sure
It’d be eaten more
Like Marie Antoinette
Of the regal set
She said let them eat cake
Till their belly’s ached
that’s all I have to say
So please ban cabbage today[/B][/CENTER]
© RJ 2013
You’ve been busy Robert, I thoroughly enjoyed all those poems.
Well done!
Very good RJ.
Very good Robert (even if some were a little ‘sombre’!).
I like cabbage 
(now had you said sprouts on the other hand … )
Or … ‘Brocolli’ … YuK !! :-p