Just cost me a whole QUID to put air in my tires!
Guess that’s inflation for you! 
1 Like
When I was a lad, I remember running at the back of the bus to save the twopenny fare.
When I got home, mum slapped me on the back of the head and said, “Next time, run at the back of a taxi and save two quid”
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I’m addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But I can stop whenever I want! 
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In the Canary Islands there are no canaries.
Same thing in the Virgin Islands. No canaries there either!
5 Likes
“Dammit I’m Mad”
What is that when spelled backwards?
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On board ship 2 American ladies were trying to work out the time due to crisscross the international date line. So me always trying to be helpful suggested they turned their Ipads upside down at get the time in Australia. Guess what they did ? Yes they believed me and turned them upside down.
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My mate told me he failed his exam in Aboriginal music.
I said “Did ya redo it?”
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I’ve been prescribed some gloating cream.
I can’t wait to rub it in…
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Did Schrodinger tell you that one, RB?? 
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9 out of 10 times that I lose something … it’s because I put it in a safe place!
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Fatal!
Friend: Thanks for introducing me to Minimalism.
Me: It’s the least I could do!
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If at first, you don’t succeed, then maybe parachuting is not the sport for you.
What do you give the woman who has everything? Penicillin.
I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of a lipstick.
She’s STILL not talking to me!
What do we want?
Hearing Aaids!
When do we want them?
Hearing Aids!
I just dropped a colander on the floor.
Went to pick it up and strained myself!
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Me: How much do you know about atoms?
Friend: Very little!
Me: Apart from that? 
I can’t believe bed time used to be a punishment!
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