Boys are different from girls,
As the summer holidays continued we kids played both in our street and on the railway embankment,
Now I do not know who started this next thing all we lads did when the old steam train came along and went through the last tunnel before it parked up, But as the train went under the tunnel we’d get a big cloud like fall of steam landing around us kid’s and it was the boy’s think to get your willy out and have a wee, As I said ive no idea who started this crazy thing in the first place “But” it was done every time the train engine went under that tunnel, Well as it was the holidays the older kids we’re given the task of looking after their younger brother & sisters, My best friend was Billy Cock grave & as it worked out his mother AGI and his Dad Billy we’re my mum & Dads best friends and they and there 7 kid’s lived opposit us in a two up / two down house, Billy junior had little sister to look after and it was her lifting her skirt up and weeing herself that one of the lads noticed she had no willy, Billy said he’d thought she’d had an accident and her Willy fell off, The rest of us felt really sorry for her as we all looked at were her willy once lived, One of the Lad’s asked was it Mrs couchie who’d put a spell on her??? We never found out,
The Corner shop was called “CAMMIES” Now the owner’s had one child “this in a very catholic area was a little odd, most catholic’s had had lots of kids” thats as the LORD wanted it to be,
The child cammie had was odd to the rest of us because he could not talk words anyone could understand and he was very rounded in body, most of the kids both in school and our street we’re thin, We just did’nt see many fat kids about, but John was as I said very round in body and he seemed to have a big head, His eye’s also seemed big and sad looking like a St, Bernard dog’s eye’s And he was always dribbling from his mouth, But he also had a runny nose that as the fluid from his nose reached the bottom of his nose & down his face he’d sniff and the fluid would return at great speed up into his nose and he’d blink his eye lid’s (like some sort of human fruit machine) and then it would all happen again, His mum was a very good mum to John and come up with the idea that if she bought John a really top of the class football we kids would want to play with John
So she made a deal with us that if John was part of the street foot ball team ??? We could use the door as much as we liked and also use this top of the class foot ball, And so it was a yes from us and now John was the goal keeper, He never saved one ball ever as he stood with his legs wide open and his hands wide open and did’nt move when the ball was kicked into the goal area, But he did do a lot of sniffing,
Again it was said by the older kids john was like he was because of a spell put on hime by Mrs Couchie,
The corner shop was much used by the street’s folk and many a time my mum would send me to the shop with a note, I’d get my horse out and ready to ride up the street at great speed to Cammies (Oh yes all us Lads had a horse each, it went by smack power ie you’d hit your arse cheek and off you went, the more you smacked yourself the faster you"d go, This one afternoon I was given the note to go to cammies and by quick about it before your Dad comes home,
He worked on the docks and on a friday he got home around 5pm had his dinner & was changed and ready for the bar with his mate Billy cockgrave, He’d got home and was in & out of our front door saying were the hell was Billy the Bar would be out of Ale if he’s any later, (Billy dove the CO-OP Coal flat deck vehicle but had to collect the monies owed by some customers on a friday and this could hold thing up, In Cammies shop you’d always have old ladies sitting at the counter chatting away about Anything, I’d arrived and secured my invisable horse with an Invisable knott
so nobody could take it and went into the shop, All eyes turned to see who had set the shops above door bell off, I’d stand waiting for Cammie to ask what I wanted, but she was talking to these old ladies and in those days you just waited your turn, Then she looked at me and said what do you want Daniel? I gave her the note, She looked at it and then went for her black book she kept on a shelf and then looked at the Who’s not paid section, (Cammie had a special notice bourd in the shop window of who had not paid her for goods !!! She turned to me and said tell your mum to settle up by Saturday. Then she got a rip of paper off the fresh cut your self bread "like a thin tissue and fold 5 woodbine’s into it and then said "give me your open hand, and then folded each finger aroung the tissue paper and said now take them to your Mum, The old farts looked at me like something was amiss with me as i undone my secured horse / mounted it a shot off like a rocket, I was smacking my rear like hell going faster and faster, It was then my Dad did his 20th march out of our front door and he saw me smacking my backside, Why are you hitting yourself?
He asked, It’s my horse Dad I replied, He moves faster if i hit him harder “I replied”
If you want hitting I’ll do it he said now get in that house, Now, Just then Billy’s co op wagon appeared and billy Black as coal shot out and all his kids started to line the outside of their house, Agi had the old tin bath filled with water by the fire ready for billy’s Bath, the kids moaning it was freezing out here, Billy shouted over to me Dad "give me 15minutes Ronnie boy and i’ll be ready,
Me Dad said it’s alright dont you worry about it, you take your time (two faced get i thought) I gave me Mum her fags and she Inspected then to see all we’re ok and then said go play out & keep out of your Dads way, As i looked down the street no kids we’re out just now, and i found myself outside Mrs Couchie’s front door, The door slowly opened and there she was wearing her normal dark clothing and her slippers that had two eye’s on both sides and a finger bending towards me as she said come here, Kids today would have told her where to go but in those days you did as you we’re told, I slowly walked the three steps from the pavement to her door, the door opened wider and then like a flash she gave me a fire side shovel and told me to go and get her thet horse shit that silver had delivered early on, I did as I was told and as I was getting as much as i could into piles my Dad & Billy came along and then my dad halted, What the hell are you doing ,?? He asked, Oh i am cleaning up this horse poo I replied, He looked at Billy and said Ive seen it all now, Invisable bloody horse crapping in the road, lets get to the bar quick, Billy was in fits of Laughter, Invisable horses he said to my Dad, And off they went, I got a good pile on the shovel and was amazed how heavy it all was, But I got it back to Mrs Couchie and she opened the door wide and i dont know if it was the horse smell or her hallway but a smell came rushing out, She took the shovel from my hands with little effort and the door closed, I ran home into the kitchen and looked in the little mirror we had for my dads to use for shaving, My mum had a thing about kids looking into mirror’s she snatched the mirror off me and shouted do not let me see you looking into mirror’s again, you are nothing special just a normal boy and thats all, But i wanted to see if i have any spots I said, She replied whats wrong with you? SMACKING YOUR SELF/ THINKING YOU HAVE A HORSE AND NOW SPOTS? Get up to your bedroom, Was i cursed i asked myself ?
Well they say time is a great healer and within two years our old street was a ghost street as every house was empty, We all moved away most to the council owned housing estate’s that popped up all over the old farm fields, I was eight years old nearly nine and i’d got use to having a bath in our new council house and seeing fields as i now had a cycle i would ride across the fields tracks to school, yes life was looking better, By the time I was 18yrs of age I’d joined the Army, It was while i was in the Army I came across one of my old street mates Billy CockGrave, we had many a chat about our old day’s and it was he who broke the sad news about Mrs Couchie, he told me just as they council people we’re trying to get her out of her damp house they found she was dead, what neighbours we’re still left in the street did not draw their curtains as her boxed body was carried out of the house, This I found sad because after all she was a human and a catholic yet she was treated that way, I asked if he had any idea why? Yes he said she’d had a baby out of wed lock
and this was not the catholic way of doing things, He said when the workmen came to pull the house down along with the final few houses left in the street, they found on both sides of her fire place a boxed in garden and a cross with the childs name on it,
I said to him it was’nt poison weeds she was taking from the old railway embankment and putting them in that sack she had around her waist, it was soil and the horse manure she sent me to get was also for her garden, She was no Witch she was a very misunderstood woman and again a victim of religion,
THE END,