Let's have a laugh

General Chat Just For Fun!
1

A Laugh a Day keeps the miseries away - or so it is said!

Let’s see what makes you laugh :::

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. ‘Was the other Indian crazy or what?’

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the opening… If they get an answer back, it means there’s a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ Immediately, there was the answer.

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, ‘Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!’

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ Like the others, he then heard an answering call, ‘WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!’

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read…

You’ll like this

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

2

:043::043: (goond one)

3

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night to spice up their love life. In the morning Pat said to Paddy “Wow!! That was incredible. I wonder how the girls got on?”

4

A friend of mine just got a new job doing shift work making chess pieces. He’s on Knights at the moment.

5

Two very inebriated friends trail back to one of their homes at 3:30 in the morning to find the wife of one of the friends stood in the doorway armed with a rolling pin. The other mate remarked “You wife’s certainly keen, fancy baking at this time of night”

6

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,
“Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, “I’d calm down if I were you.”

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly,

“Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!”

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, “You probably don’t want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.”

“Rubbish”, replied the young alien… He aimed his weapon and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien, off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away into a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

“What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien.
"He damn near killed me!

How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied,

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess
with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.”

7

Good one Old Supporter!

8

Hmmm! wonder which of them - or both got to experience the fury of the wife and rolling pin! Judd LOL

9

Chap sitting on a park bench watching 2 people at work. First one was digging holes, the second one came after him and filled them in again. Curious he went over and asked them why? They said that they normally worked as a gang of three, but Paddy, who puts the small trees into the holes, was off sick.

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Walking in the park the other day, I saw an old man sitting on a seat looking very sad. I went over to see if there was anything I could do. He said " See that School over there, I built it all myself in 5 years, but no-one says anything".“See that Hospital over there, I built it all by myself in 10 years, but nothing” “But get caught shagging just one goat and…”

11

Lol!!!

12

Her name was Virginia. They called her Virgin for short, but not for long.

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The ventriloquist and the blond

A young ventriloquist touring Norway puts on a show in a small fishing town…

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting,

"I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes…

What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way?

What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work
and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.
It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb!

You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,

but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling,

"You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee!

14

An embarrassing situation with a zipper

[B][I]The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
[/I][/B]

15

The ventriloquist and the blond

[B][I][SIZE=“5”]A young ventriloquist touring Norway puts on a show in a small fishing town…

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting,

"I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes…

What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way?

What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work
and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.
It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb!

You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,

but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling,

"You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee!
[/SIZE][/I][/B]

16

Are you lonesome tonight,
is your bra-strap too tight,
are your corsets just drifting apart,
have you got a big chest
making holes in your vest,
does your spare tyre reach out into the night,
are your stockings all laddered,
are you wearing them thin,
do you hold up your knickers
with a big safety pin,
are your false teeth all worn,
do they drop when you yawn,
well it’s no wonder that you’re lonesome tonight!!!…

17

It has to be said, that is shockingly bad. :shock:

18

Bet it brought at least a smile to your face though!! ??

19

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

“Are you lonesome tonight.”

Excellent.

20

Local Tennis Club reported that their web site is down. They say they have trouble with their server