Jokes for today

Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking sh!t from some as$hole.

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People should not fart in a lift.

It is just wrong on so many levels.

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you should have tried the pit cage on a monday morning…

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I can imagine. I only ever went dahn’t pit twice; both times as a visitor. Frightening and exhilarating at the same time.

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Someone just accused me of being gullible; all because I had to submit a nude piccy of my cousin before I was allowed posting privileges on this forum.

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl.

They had great seats right behind the Chiefs’ bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Confused, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”

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yes my first trip the winder knew he had trainees on and dropped it, it was like going over a hump-backed bridge… a very very big bridge…
and another thing about going down monday mornings was the deodourant, i cant remember the cheap nasty one that refused to blend with the farts, but you were glad to get off at the pit bottom… would i go back, erm yes.

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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’

Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’

Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’

So, she fetched the Bible, and opened to the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says … ‘HEBREWS’

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Took my nan to a fish spa where the little fish eat the dead skin.
Took ages and cost £75
But it was still a lot
cheaper than a funeral…

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India puts a man on the sun

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I just went out to my shed after hearing a strange noise, only to find a large striped cat chewing the handle of my claw hammer.

I think the cat must be a Tool Eater Jag.

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IMG_0442

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image

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