My Mum got ill when I was about 7 years old. My Dad had two jobs, day and night, so couldn’t look after me. I stayed with one of my Dad’s friends and their two older children for a week. They were religious people and I went with the two children to Church. That evening, we walked around the Church saying a short prayer at each of the 14 Stations Of The Cross. A bow or a curtsey was done at the end of each one.
I was standing next to a couple of girls and being a novice at this, when the end of a prayer came, I made a mistake. I followed the girls example and did a curtsy. Yes, pulled the sides of my short trousers out and bent the knees in to appropriate fashion. I couldn’t think why they all laughed. Anyway, certainly a gender changing moment there.
I was born female but for the first 11 years of my life I felt like I should be male. I was an extreme tomboy in every way and if it happened nowadays they would have said I was a trans-kid. Unfortunately, in the 1960s nothing was really understood about this and you were treated as if you were simply being disobedient and awkward. Every day there were battles about what I was going to wear and every night I went to bed praying I would wake up as a boy.
When I went to senior school, I quickly realised that boys no longer tolerated me as one of their gang and girls were wary of me because of my lack of femininity. When we are teenagers we desperately want to belong and to conform, and conform I did from then onwards. I always felt like I was dressed up unnaturally in ‘girls’ clothes’ though.
When I was much older at the age of 52 I began to think very seriously about transitioning as this was now possible, although by no means easy. I spent 4 years seriously thinking about it and even had gender counselling. What finally made me decide not to change was a spell in hospital for something else. I felt I’d never be able to cope with the physical surgery necessary and I gave up on the idea.
Now aged 63, I feel more attached to being female than I ever did. I am able to dress and wear my hair in a way that makes me feel comfortable. I do get mistaken for a man quite often but it doesn’t bother me as much. I think being a very gentle, emotional and shy person I wouldn’t have thrived very well as male. That’s not to say men can’t be those things. But there isn’t much about my personality that makes me masculine. There again, I’m unmoved by most of the things that women are traditionally interested in.
I feel genetics play a big role in how we see ourselves on the gender spectrum and that there is a scientific reason why many of us feel our bodies don’t match our true selves.
The breakthrough for me was realising and accepting that I am just me. Some aspects of me make me seem masculine and some make me seem feminine. It really shouldn’t matter. The world is made up of many different people. Life became easier for me when I worried less about people’s opinions of how I present. I feel my soul and my behaviour and contribution to the world are far more important than whether it says M or F on my passport.
You lifestyle and opinion are as valid and respected on this forum as any other persons Rane, thanks for been so honest, you are an asset to the forum already…
Hello Rane, thank you for sharing your story.
This is the reason I made this post. So members can share their story.
Each story shared may allow others to realise that they can live the life they truly want to.
I think one good thing about getting old(er) is being more able to see men or women as people rather than being a man or a woman. Equal approach to both no matter how they present themselves.
Thanks for the clarification. I was worried you were referring to an event somewhat similar to the urgent action taken by the dutch boy when faced with a leak. And as lance corporal Jones might have indicated about where they don’t like it.
Twice in my life I wished I were a man. My brother was aeroplane mad, he trained as an aeronautical engineer then joined the RAF. I decided I would like to join the RAF and learn to fly. Until I found out that, back then, we girl type people weren’t allowed to fly
So I went to University. I chose the subjects which some of the tutors thought were really for men only. Physics and Astronomy.
Looking on the bright side we girl types were outnumbered by the men by 7 to 1
Christmas time and presents, Little boy came out of his house on a new scooter. little girl next door also had a new scooter, and said I got one as well
Not to be outdone the little boy went indoors and came out withe a brand new bike. Little girl did the same and also had a brand new bike.
this upset the little boy as the girl had exactly the same
So he thought about it and then dropped his trousers saying look I got one of these. little girl went indoors crying her eyes out. few minutes later came out with a big grin
Little girl Mummy says you may have one of those but when I get older I can have a many as I like
and that dear friends is the difference between men and women
Of all the things I’ve thought about in my life, never once did it sneak into my mind to want to be anything but a female. Nope, not once, nuh uh, nada…and believe me, billions of thoughts passed through, but not one to be a male.
I’ve always thought they were God’s gift to women as toys!
Anyway, certainly a gender changing moment there. 
