The boy stood on the burning deck
Holding the hand of the captains daughter.
They both were a pair of silly sods,
They should have jumped into the water.
You mean they didnât jump and were incinerated? How sad. Mind you, they probably would have drowned after jumping in the drink anyway. What would you choose, fire or water?
No they did not drown. It was just that he being a gentleman was saying, âafter you darlingâ. But she was saying, " no, you go first".
In the end it was decided that they would jump both together at the same time.
I should add that they were both Olympic class swimmers, and the water was quite warm.
Well you did ask.
Fair enough, they may have been Olympic class swimmers, but hey, the distance to the shore must have looked a lot farther away than the edge of any Olympic pool.
The shore or land could be seen in the distance. They found some floating wreckage, and they used that to help them get to the land.
They then realised it was a deserted island, and they lived happily for a long time until rescued and taken back to civilisation.
Wow, how lucky. Iâm sure they enjoyed their time on the island. Too bad they were taken back to civilization.
[quote=âEmjay, post: 730934â]
The shore or land could be seen in the distance. They found some floating wreckage, and they used that to help them get to the land.
Where they were greeted by Acker Bilk playing âStrangers on the shoreâ;-)
[quote=âJem, post: 730956â]
If they were, they would have gone back into the sea again. Or started throwing coconuts at him.
(I did say it was a deserted island).
A MONOLOGUE.
FRIENDS
A friend is someone who
Comes into your house
Sits on your favourite chair
Drinks your beer
Grunts and leaves,
Adding when they leave
Without so much as a
If you please
âDonât suppose you could do this for meâ
âIâm in a bit of a
Fix you seeâ
Or is a friend is someone
Always there
And
After the passing
Of the years
Shares your joy
And your tears
Knows when your down
When you pretend
To be a clown
Remembers your birthday
Though it was last Tuesday
Takes you out to lunch
When he has a hunch
That all is not well
Heâs the one you can tell
When Your day is
Pure hell
He keeps all your secrets
He thinks
youâre the greatest
And raves over your skills
Whatâs your idea of a friend?
[quote=âEmjay, post: 730966â]
Yeah, why donât you bloody listen, Jem?
I must pay more attention, slap!
I must pay more attention, slap!
I must pay more attention, slap!
I must pay more attention, slap!
I must pay more attention, slap!
Remember this old chestnut, I tried to tell it at a party we had one Christmas many years ago when I had one over the eight, the daughter caught it on a cine camera, and threatens to show it to the grandkids if I step out of line. My version goes on and on and ends up at Shannon Airport.
The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very
loud voice, âFree bus to the hotel Astor!â On the way to the
station on his first trip he kept repeating to himself, âFree bus
to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor,â until he
memorised it letter perfect.
Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at
all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
âFree hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the
Hotel Bastard, sorry, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust
your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shitâŠtake a cab.â
Two of the new experts from the new office block in our area came into the pub at lunchtime today and sat at the next table to me and a few more old fellas. We couldnât help but hear the conversation. New experts are people who have studied a new subject just to be able to become expert in something. and get the essencial certificate to hang on the office wall. You wouldnât have to be Einstein to figure out what these two were experts at. Expert number one is expert in being able to say the word âActuallyâ at the beginning of every sentence. Expert number two is expert at saying the words ââIs that a factâ at the end of every sentence. Well done chaps, no mean feat that.
The number one new expert opens the conversation
One. (taking a baby sip of his pint and then placing it neatly on the beer mat) âActually Iâve never been in this pub beforeâ
Two. âIs that a factâ
One. âActually I donât like alcohol, gives me a headacheâ
Two âIs that a factâ
One. âActually some say a pint a day is good for youâ
Two. âIs that a factâ
One. Actually this beer tastes quite niceâ
Two. âIs that a factâ
One. âActually I think itâs the Liffey water that does the trickâ
Two. (whoâs getting slightly tipsy and starts to really talk) âIs that a fact⊠nowâ
I just couldnât take anymore and went out to the bookies, Jaysus spare me, what did I do to deserve this in the comfort of me own local.
and I thought all you lads were home grown with the blarney comin out of every second word - where de holy shite did ya get them from be Jesus??
Yes you would think so Gumbud, never saw any of the old crop run out of conversation in a pub, thatâs like letting the fire go out on a Winters night for want of putting on a log.
I donât know whatâs wrong with these lads today, up to their eyeballs in degrees but havenât a clue how to hold a decent conversation. Like me granny used to say back in the 50âs when the weather was bad âMust be all these rockets theyâre sending upâ
The Mad Ironmonger.
I watched âOne Flew over the Cuckooâs Nestâ again last night and enjoyed it, hadnât seen it for a few years. It brought back to my mind the time a patient escaped from the asylum in our area in 1961, he made a dash through the back gardens of the houses in broad daylight, there was a woman hanging washing on a line and he brought her to the ground and raped her, then hearing his pursuers on his trail he made a dash for it. Next morning the headlines in the National paper read.
âNut Screws Washer and Boltsâ
ou - you are naughty but i do like you!
she was only a miners daughter but she could trim ya wick till it glowed in the dark!
Crikey and struth, had there been a third expert with them,heâd have started every sentence with âBasicallyâ.:shock:
ps: Yes, that is a fact.
I well believe it Peter. I think the females substitute âOh I seeâ for âIs that a factâ and the really clever ones âOh I knowâ
By the same token I am well aware that they are observing us old lads and having a laugh, fair play to them we did the same when we were young, the cycle goes round and round but we never had the audacity to call ourselves experts regardless of how skilful our work was, everyone in this new office I speak of are experts according to the receptionist, they deal in all types of insurance, if say your car windscreen was broken while parked somewhere and you go to the reception desk she will say to you âOh that will be our windscreen expert Mr Gleeson youâll want to seeâ or your wheels are nicked âThatâll be Mr. Hopkins, our wheel expert on the third floorâ they used to have a car ash tray expert but since the smoking ban heâs been made redundant.
I knew an Old Geezer who used to be able to Pee 7ft 6" up a brick wall, then coz of âMenâsâ trouble couldnât manage waist high, I think he was an ExSpurt.