This young couple, took the father to spend a day in an old peoples home.
As he was there and sitting in a comfortable chair, he suddenly started to lean to the left.
A nurse came and straightened him up.
A little later he started to lean to the right. Again a nurse came and straightened him upright.
This happened quite a few times during the day.
When the young couple came to take him home, they asked, “how did you like it?” He replied, “I didn’t, they don’t even let you fart”.
I went to see the doctor today. Told him how I feel like a wigwam one day and like a marquee the next. He reckons I should relax more I’m two tents.
When you reach 70, you must always before getting out of bed, read the obituary page of your newspaper. If you are not in it, then you can get out of bed.
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That’s a good tip, thanks Emjay.
Then say a prayer to the patron Saint of campers, Pope Pious the tent.
wan’t that the nineth teen?? or it coud have been the eighth teen but the tent teen -hghly unlikely even in piousness!
I’ve seen boy scouts but not ‘girl scouts’ and girl guides but not ‘boy guides’ the brownies seem to be transgender?
I once was in the boys brigade but there was never a girls brigade - some real gender prejudice goin on here??
Yes same over here Gumbud, girl guides, boys brigade, no boy guides no girls brigade. The wife was a girl guide for a few years until I guided her into my arms and she was lost forever. Sounds like the end of a Barbara Cartland novel, corney.
The choir comprised of ladies of the night who were assembled in the parish hall for practice. Suddenly the angry choir leader waved his baton angrily in the air “Stop! stop! stop!, there is some whore singing and there is some whore not”
WARNING
ONce you’re over 70, never trust a fart
Helloooo RJ, yes I hear the trust rate in the farternity is very low, I shall heed your sound advice and report any farther incidences promptly.
Hello, my name is Bond, 007-95877933456, I’m a premium Bond.
I wish a Door to Door Tent Salesman would knock my door, and sell me a nice Tent, don’t think it’s going to happen, not whilst I have the “No Canvassers” sign, in the window.
Tentpole Tudor.
h sorry RJ - I misread it to read ‘never trust a tart’!
oh the merry season is nearly upon us and then we’ll have some tarts and no doubt old farts!
incidentally can a ‘fart’ ever be an old one or are they all newly manufactured?
I often wonder, is it best to flavour curry, or, curry favour?
a christmas cake with a difference - curry flavored for a favour?
[QUOTE=gumbud;
incidentally can a ‘fart’ ever be an old one or are they all newly manufactured?
That is a tough question Gumbud, I can only tell you about my own personal observations.
There are the ‘extra old’ farts from 90 upwards and the ‘trainee’ farts from 50 upwards to 60, the ‘regular’ old farts are in the middle, the extra old farts are no trouble whatsoever, very relaxed and easy to get along with, it’s the trainee fart who can have problems, although I have every sympathy for this bracket I fail to see why they just want to fight it, you see they know they’re on the way to fartdom and resist it as much as possible, but resistance is futile, they just won’t accept it and try to act like twenty year olds, keeping up with the latest music and fashion trends, dying their hair, driving flashy cars, saying the word ‘cool’ too often, and that type of thing, very funny to observe them, they sit in the pub with the young crowd and stick out like sore thumbs, they will not be seen drinking a pint of Guinness as that is strictly for the older men, usually it’s larger straight from the bottle, you’d think a friend or somebody would put them wise, I dare not open me mouth, the last thing they want to hear is advice from an old fart.
well we do seem to be on a rolling fart at the moment and haven’t even started talking about the “hesistant” fart ; “wet” fart; “squeeky” fart ; “rumbling” fart ; ah well may the fart be with you!
Farting under the bedclothes, when in company, is disgusting, it cannot be good for your fart, to leave a bad taste in someone else’s mouth.
Never trust a fart.
Never pass a toilet.
If you get an erection, use it.
What happens if you get an erection, in the toilet whilst farting?
Simple…you loudly shout “One-nil!” and carry on regardless…