Should grandparents speak if they are concerned over some aspect of their grandchildrens lives ?
How to do it without alienating the parents ?
I have done , even recently . I started the conversation by saying i was worried about the people he might be attracting and he may be lead into making the wrong choices .
My worries were no longer after I spoke with his parents and I was glad I had said something and i could put it a side .
As a mother of sons it means I have DILs and this makes it a bit tricky !
My mother in law had three sons Muddy and she interfered quite a bit when my sons were small. She always had a ‘better’ way of doing things than I appeared to have! I have two sons and two grandsons and would never get involved by interfering or offering advice with regards to my grandsons - knowing how that felt. Anyway, I know my son will/does his best for his sons. If I am asked for advice I will give it but I will never push it onto him or criticise how my grandsons are being brought up. In the past I have bitten my tongue at times but have managed never to get involved. My DiL once said that she was the only one amongst her friends without an interfering mother in law - I took that as a complimant!
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Oh dear I am going to have to practise tongue biting !
What if you seriously feel they are not doing the best for a child ?
When you see something that could be helped ?
Luckily I have never been in that position. If that ever occurred I think I would need to think very hard about how to approach it but I would never behave in the way that my mother in law did. My own mother occasionally disagreed with me about my sons and she would have a quiet word in a non-confrontational way, I suppose I would try to do the same but as I said I have never felt the need to say anything. My grandsons are now 28 and 26 so they lead their own lives anyway now.
As a grandma with four grandchildren i think I would have to do something Muddy, although it would need the utmost tact and diplomacy. Sometimes it is possible to influence things if you can make the parents think they are the ones making a decision to change something. I have done something similar myself once or twice, but it does depend on how important the matter is. It’s not easy being a grandmother.
I think it would depend on the issue.
Although it is obviously worrying you.
You could consider what the consequences are if you don’t speak up. Also what relationship you have with your daughters in law and do you normally say anything?
Yes, I totally agree. And with the parents. I have known a few really dreadful parents.
Yes I did first I consulted with a school teacher friend of mine who confirmed that I was absolutely in the right .Then my DIl rang for something and I hit her with it all gently . She took it all on board next I spoke to my son and he was positive on it . So hopefully all will be well or at least improved .
The problem is they both lead busy lives and let things slide with time spent with their children .
My grandchildren are bright but even bright children need guidelines and structure .
The main problem is that my granddaughter who is 12 is is bright and clever cannot write legibly .
When she was with me I taught her how to hold the pencil correctly and how to form the letters. She is left handed and this needs a few techniques to get it right but in 20 minutes she was writing ok . All she needs is 5-10 minutes of penmanship practice every day . I can’t think how the teachers have let this obvious disability - for that it amounts too pass for so long .so she is very good at maths which only need ten digits but hopeless in English because it takes her so long to write and her work cannot be marked easily
My son and his wife bought her a computer In order to do essays etc so she may not fall behind but the school doesn’t allow her to use it .
My teacher friend says in her school they have 20 computers with the spell check disabled for children who find writing difficult and have extra penmanship lessons with them on a bi weekly basis .
Anyway I have bought swan necked pens ( great for lefties and easy for anyone ) and practice books so hopefully it will be improved .