[B]12
Crusty Books A Restaurant!!
(and Crustabel Books a Holiday)[/B]
“Crustabel!”
He stood there gaping at her through the open door. She was smiling at him and expected him to invite her in, but he just kept staring, his mouth working like a fish out of water.
“Come on ya silly owd bugger - let me in. It’s nor’all that warm outside!”
Crusty stood to one side allowing her access, and closed the door behind her.
He was totally gob-smacked at seeing her there and so overwhelmed he couldn’t speak. He seated her in his living room and went to put the kettle on and, whilst waiting for it to boil, went back and sat down opposite her.
“Wot brings ya here Crustabel? I’m pleased’t see ya bur’am a bit surprised!”
“Well ya was at a meal not so long ago at a big house in the Birmingham area, weren’t ya?”
“I was that. How did you know?”
“I knows everything, Crusty. Anyway, when ya went in through’t back door I spotted ya. I was working in the kitchen washing up, just for that one occasion you understand.”
“Burra didn’t think you’d wash up for anybody!”
“No I don’t normally. I’d been visiting one of my relatives in Wolverhampton. She does catering up at that house on special occasions, and it was just a coincidence that she was working that night. I tagged along to help out just for a bit o’ fun!”
“And did ya see wot they did at me?”
“I did indeed lad. That were a terrible thing to do burra couldn’t do anything to help ya otherwise me cousin might have lost her contract!”
They sat quietly then for a little while.
Suddenly they both opened their mouths at the same time to speak and, with unexpected gallantry, he offered her first go.
“I only wanted’t say I’m sorry about washing yer OBJ. I can see thar’it’s back in shape now though. All smelly and crustified again!”
“No Crustabel. I should apolomogise to you for the terrible way I treated ya. I know ya used up the rest of me Oxydol, burrall tell ya a lickle secret, shalla?”
“Wot’s thar’owd lad?”
“Well, I’ve getten another packet stashed away in me cupboard!”
She snickered at him.
“Oh I see! Well anyway, I hope we can be friends again.”
He smiled at her, his face lighting up for the first time in a long time. He was so pleased to see her again and he told her so.
“Ya know wor’owd lad? It dun’t half stink in 'ere. When did ya last do any cleaning?”
“Er … cawn’t remember!”
They started to reminisce about their shenanigans whilst they were together, and when they recalled the incident about the mediaeval knight they fell about laughing together. They’d had such a lot of fun.
“How come ya’ve not got yer Macaroni radio blaring away?”
“Well I’ve bin a bit miserable since we fell out an’a couldn’t be bothered with it, bur’am happy again now we’re back to being pals!”
He got out of his chair and switched it on and the valves seemed to warm up more quickly than usual. Perhaps the radio was a little happier too.
Johnny Mash was singing: “I Keep A Close Watch On This Heart Of Mine”.
Crusty always kept a close eye on his food too so he didn’t blame Johnny for that.
He was so thrilled to see her though, and they chatted on for a couple of hours. Every now and then there would be a little lull in conversation and there was such a lull right now.
Just to fill in, both their stomachs started to rumble and it was only then that they realised that they were both hungry. No wonder! It was half six and they hadn’t eaten in about two hours. They admitted that that was a record for them both.
"I’ll tell ya wor’owd lass. Get yer coat on. I’m tekkin’ ya out for a bite to eat.
Crustabel fainted!
She regained consciousness only a few moments later, with Crusty fanning her with a newspaper. She opened her eyes and looked up to see the worried expression on his face.
“Are ya alreet owd lass? Ya fainted!”
With his help, she managed to get up off the floor and he sat her in the chair again.
“Yeh, I’m alreet lad. I was just overcome with it being warm in here and from lack o’ nourishment. It must be at least two hours since I had some snap!”
“Reet, well this is a special occasion so I’m just goin’t nip upstairs for a quick
shower.”
“A shower?”
“Aye, I’ll not be long owd girl!”
As he climbed the stairs, she fainted again.
She recovered just in time to hear the plumbing clanking and banging through lack of use, but to her it sounded like a symphony.
There was only a little bit of Lyril left, but after he’d de-fluffed it there was just enough for his shower. Ah well. It had lasted a long time but he would have to buy another block tomorrow. Could you still buy Lyril, he wondered.
He came down looking squeaky clean and all shaved and polished. She didn’t believe she’d ever seen him look so clean but just to spoil it, he had on a pair of grotty brown trousers, his owd black jacket, a pale blue shirt and a red tie!
They went out to his car, but then he suddenly remembered the flat tyre.
“Oops, sorry Crustabel. I’ve just remembered. I’ve getten a flat tyre. Can we go in yer Volvo estate?”
“I suppose so. Where are we going?”
“There’s a nice lickle restaurant just the other side of Charnock Richard. That’s where we’re goin’!”
“Wot d’ya mean, a restaurant? I didn’t think ya knew any. D’ya not mean a transport caff?”
“No, it’s a proper restaurant, wi’ proper food!”
“Transport caff food is always good as well ya know lad. I should know, an’a wouldn’t’ve minded!”
“No! A proper restaurant is where am tekkin ya!”
This was a first for Crusty.
Once they set off Crustabel produced some barm cakes, which she always prepared for journeys. Crusty beamed at her and started to tuck in. She thought of
everything. Who else in the world would have something to eat on their way to a restaurant?
“Mmmm, these are bluddy tasteyful. I could ayte a suitcase full o’ these!”
They arrived at their destination. No, he hadn’t meant a transport caff. It was a restaurant. Very olde-worlde, with black beams and low ceilings, and horse brasses on the walls. Crustabel nearly fainted again with the shock, but kept her cool. He had actually invited her out for a meal.
Maybe he’d changed!!
They were lucky. When he’d rung the restaurant from home he was told that, being mid-week, they weren’t fully booked and they were able to secure a nice little table in a secluded area.
“I see ya’ve gor’a new owd black jacket. It favvers bluddy weel! Where did ya ger’it from? Yer the only person I know who only buys OBJs!”
“Oh I’ve had this for years Bel. I luvs me owd black jacket as its proper comfy!”
“It will be! It’s three sizes too big!”
